Bourbon Chase 2018

Takin' Care of Boubon:  The Running Elvi Ladies take on Bourbon Chase 2018

Bourbon Chase 2018 was my first RAGNAR event.  I am by no means an expert, but I am going to do a bit of a breakdown of the race and logistics as I have had several people reach out to me about doing the race in the future.  Here is what we did- and what I would do different in the future.  So, continue reading here if you want a few tips.  If you want to know how I did/feel/do it again?  Skip to the end.

The Logistics:

ROAD TRIP!

• Travel:  This was a tough one for Dave and I as we had to drive from New Orleans to Memphis so Isla could stay with her grandparents (6 hours)- then on to Lexington to drop off cars and pick up vans (6 hours) then to Louisville to the start (1 hr).  AND....put that in reverse to get home.  Keep in mind with Ragnar it is a point to point event, so you need your cars at the END of the race.  
• Suggestions:  pick a Ragnar that is close to you!  Travel time and costs really add up.  You may have to take days off of work plus all of the money you spend in gas/travel food.   If money is a limiter, make sure you don't pick a RAGNAR that costs a lot just to get there.  

• Vans:  You will need 2 big passenger vans, unless you have a smaller number of runners taking more legs and you can get away with some smaller vans.  Basically, you will rent your vans from an area closest to the FINISH. 
• Suggestions:  Use coupon codes with a car rental agency if possibly and absolutely book ahead of time.  If you want to save money, drive the vans IMMEDIATELY to turn in after the race and you will save hundreds of dollars by not keeping the vans an extra day.  This takes some real planning and motivation when everyone is tired.  
• DECORATING:  This will take longer than you expect.  Try to give yourself some extra time, if possible.  (We missed the pre-race party because we didn't give ourselves enough time the night before the race to take care of details.) Not all teams decorate their vans, but you will be happy you did.  

• Buy washable window markers (inexpensive), and have fun add the following:  Racer's names or nicknames, KILLS (a slash mark next to each runner's name, marking the number of runners from other teams they pass when running), and any fun sayings.  
• Lights!  Find some battery powered Christmas type lights and hang them up on the inside of the van.  Better yet, find a way to secure some on the outside of your van as well!  This was not expensive and really made the vans look great, especially at night.
• Photos:  We did not do this, but we saw some great vans that had pictures of all of their runners (think Fat Heads) on the windows.  This is a cute and CHEAP idea as you can print off pictures at home. 
• Other:  there are certainly many other props you can put on your car, as long as they do not jeopardize safety.  The key here is to keep it cheap- no need to spend a ton of money on this.  Just be creative!

• Drivers:  Bring 2 non- racing people to drive.  You could do it with just one, but let me tell you our guys were so happy to have each other.  One would drive and one would navigate.  It made a huge difference.  (Just good luck getting your husband to do this once you tell him there is no Bourbon till the end, and that basically he will just be driving us around and won't be able to sleep).  

• Hotels:  you will need rooms near the start for the night before the race as well as at the end of the race.  This is definitely a cost that will add up.  
• Suggestions:  Can you find an air B and B?   Does anyone have hotel points that they would be willing to use to cut down the costs (thank you to Laura Gilmour for doing this for us!!!)?  Can you share rooms to save some money?  

• Costumes:  Most teams do not run in costumes, but of course WE DID!  This is optional, of course, but we don't like to do the bare minimum now do we?  

• Suggestions:  Wear a costume.  This is about having fun, so get out of your comfort zone and make it FUN!  
• Have a part of your costume that really flashes.  It will help you see your runner when they are coming into transition.  Our sparkle skirts were PERFECT for this, and we really stood out on the course.
• Make it easy to run in....that way when you yell at everyone to wear their costume the whole time they are more likely to do it. :) 
• Make things!  I was up the night before we left for the race sewing Elvis scarves.  Not everything has to cost a lot of money.  Get your key pieces and work around it.
• Drivers in costume?  Yes, please.  Our Elvis drivers were the best, and Dave even got a spirit award.  (up until that time he complained the whole time about wearing the costume).  

• Magnets:  You will want magnets (business card size or slightly bigger) to pass out to other teams and stick on their vans.  The funnier or more identifiable the better.  

• Suggestions:  We ordered 200 and that was a good number (about $50 with Vistaprint).  200-300 should be just right.  Save one for each of your teammates!  

• Food:  I really have no advice on this.  I don't even remember what I ate!  We had so much random food on the bus.  I remember eating some random candy that was handed to me and that is about it.  Otherwise, when our leg had a break from running, we found a good restaurant in the nearest town and chowed down.  
• Suggestions:  Have some bagels/banana/peanut butter in the van ready to go for the start of the race.  I ran the very first leg and didn't have a thing for breakfast simply because we didn't plan.  

• Sleep:  YIKES!  You won't, unless you can sleep anywhere.  What we did:  we slept in the middle of a Walmart parking lot for 2 hours- all 8 of us in a van.  It was terrible, but memorable as I think everyone was snoring, farting, and moving around.  You really learn who your sleepers and non-sleepers are.  
• Suggestions:  forgo sleep and make sure you cheer everyone runner from your van in and out like I did, and just try to nap at least once.  
• Another team said they book a hotel room in the middle of the course (planned out by the legs and relay exchanges) and VAN 1 will use it to sleep 2-3 hours and clean up followed by VAN 2 for 2-3 hours.  You will still be sleeping on a floor in your sleeping bag, but it is much better than in a van in a parking lot.  This tip is optional, but worth exploring.  I would probably just not sleep again and save the money.  

• Running Gear:  you must have reflective vests and lights for running.  
• Suggestions:  Wear the brightest vests and lights you have.  There were many stretches of the race that were in the middle of the night with poor visibility and irritated drivers that were cutting it close to the runners.  We saw one guy with Christmas lights all on his reflective vest, and while normally it would be overkill, for some reason it actually seemed like a good idea with this race.  

• Cheer.  Seriously.  Get out of the van every damn time you have a runner coming in and leaving transition and cheer them on.  Cheer them on in the rain, the cold, the middle of the night.  Why else are you there?  You would think I don't need to say this, but my team was the VERY BEST at this- over and over at transitions.  We had a full on cheering squad all hours of the day and night.   
• 
  Rain...
  
  Shine...
  
  Night...
  
  or Cold.  Better be out there cheering!
  
  
  
  And DONE!
  
  
  And at the end, stay an extra day to unwind, go on some Bourbon tasting tours, and love on your friends.  
  
  
  
  
  

NOW..... the nitty gritty.

Did I have fun?   Yes

Would I do it again?  Maybe.

What would hold me back?  Cost.  You know that I keep track of everything financial, and this race cost us (because we had to pay the share for two people) almost $1200 when all was said and done.  (and it could have been more if we didn't do a few things that shaved off a few hundred bucks a person.  Thank you, Michelle, for doing everything possible to make this affordable!) That is a lot of money for me to run 15 miles.

AND- planning a trip with all of these details for 16 people is really, really hard.  And I wasn't even the one that did it.  Michelle planned it all- we could not have done this without her.  So, be very, very prepared to spend a lot of time setting this race up for your team. (If you have done it before it may come easier the second time...maybe).

How much did you run?  yes, 15 miles total.  Not a lot.  I ran some of the slowest miles of my running life.  I kept a grateful attitude regardless.

What was the best part of it?  Being with my friends.  I have just some of the very best friends from Memphis.  I miss them.  I love them.

What else?  I love relays.  I love teams.  I really enjoyed this different format.  I think there are two ways you can do this type of race.  One, you can do as we did and put in a very easy time goal with low pressure, and just enjoy running with friends.  Or secondly, you can RACE it, which I think wold be very, very fun to do.

Dave?  Had fun, kind of.  It sucked to have to stay awake that whole time and drive in the dark, while navigating around 470+ teams.  Thank gosh he had Darren.  He said he would not drive this again.  But, I bet if the weather had been better and the travel less on us, he would do it again.

I may add to this post as I remember things that belong on this page, just in case it helps a future Bourbon Chase runner.

xo

I Started

I should say "I started, again."  That is how it feels.  Did I ever stop?

The answer is no.  I never did stop.  I never gave up on myself.  I keep coming back.  And like Coach Tim and I talked about, I am only done when I decide to quit.  And I am not done yet. 

As of this week I started back with Coach Tim.  (Also known as Lucho, which I rarely ever call him.)  I am generally pretty private about training and coaching.  I have had a few key, pivotal coaches since I started my ironman journey.  Before that and in between key times I have been self coached.  Honestly, I had some really good years as a self-coached athlete.  I started the sport and had some good beginner races.  I rehabbed my way through a knee surgery successfully with a good season of racing to show for it.  I trained my way to run a BQ in my marathoning life.  

I have also been coached-  always remotely.  Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't.  The first time I tried it , it worked!  Anyone who knows me knows I have a huge amount of respect for Jen Harrison.  I send many athletes to her for coaching.  She was my very first triathlon coach and coached me to a successful first half ironman and ironman race.  I was young, naive, and full of vinegar as she would probably say.  She is a great woman.  (and there is a plug for anyone looking for a coach.  Check her out).  

Sometimes remote coaching does not work.  I dabbled (is there another word for it?) in other coaches.  I would quickly realize it was not for me.  At the worst, I would realize I was paying $$$ and they had no clue what I was doing because they didn't really look at my data that I logged diligently.  Or, I was getting a "plan" they were sending to everyone of their 50 athletes.  Or the communication just wasn't there.  Whatever the reason, it wasn't always because the coach or training philosophy was bad (although sometimes it was!).  Sometimes, it was for reasons that maybe weren't personal such as having goals post baby that didn't match my 24-hr a day crying baby situation!  Or, I was moving, my bike got stolen, etc, etc.    I have even run out of money and couldn't afford to be coached.  

I had a couple of coaches turn me down.  That stung.  It was all post baby, and they told me straight up I was just not a good fit for them.  I didn't have what it takes.  I had too many excuses.  

In the middle of all of my Ironman journey, I worked with Tim.  My best years were my years working with him.  Some of this was circumstantial.  I was out of school, had a good job, and didn't have a kid.  I was motivated like I had never been motivated in my life.  I may have been at the apex of MAKE IT HAPPEN in my life.  

But really, Tim was also a frickin' master at COACHING.  Not writing a plan.  Not writing a month long schedule.  Day to day coaching.  And true to this day, he never plans out more than a day or two at at time.  It is the gold standard for how I view coaching remotely.  

Something tells me he took me back on with trepidation.  I left him right before I had Isla.  And I left him grumpy.  I had some coach/athlete issues that upset me, but I never knew how to talk to him about it so I just got mad and walked away.  (VERY typical response from me in life....I am working on it :)  I apologized and realized I need to do better. This was nothing I ever blogged about because it is pretty personal.

But here I am.  Back with my coach and I hope this will be a very long term journey for me.  I have lots of goals and not one of them are reasonable right now.  So, I don't know if they will actually ever become goals...they may just be dreams.  There is not one bit of magic that happens here.  Right now I am running the same slow miles I have been slogging for the past 2 years.  But this time, I have someone looking over the plan.  Is the loading correct?  Am I being honest with myself about my training?  Is x,y,z going to help or hurt me?  And given my medical concerns, there is no one I would rather have reviewing my daily data to give me some feedback if there is possibly a bigger problem, which has been a concern for a long time now.

I am back to my alarm.  I am back to a decreased social life.  (Because honestly, when you have a family and want to improve as an athlete you just can't have it all.  Some choices have to be made and I guess mom's night at the bar had to get cut this week).

And this is what Coach gets.  ^^^^^Mom Special ^^^^^^  I am out of shape.  I work a lot and want to be with my family as much as I can.  But I still have that fire in me and I am willing to do what it takes for as long as it takes.  I am willing to admit I am not the athlete I used to be.  I am willing to accept that the future may look really different than the past (and maybe way slower).  But I haven't give up!

xo

The Struggle is Real

This is real talk- much like I used to do on this blog.  But, in order to clear my mind and sit down to actually blog, the entire family has to be asleep.  That time is now!

I am 40.  It is such a meaningless number, unless you are struggling with muscle loss and weight gain like I am, and then it is such an important numbers.  I am 40!!!!!!!!  AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night Isla and I were going to a black tie party, and I tried on my 4 favorite dresses while we were getting ready.  of  You know, the awesome Christian Dior dress that is a little big on me?  Oh no...can't even zip it up now.  I ripped it trying to figure out what I couldn't get it on me.   As a matter of fact, I couldn't zip up a single one of my favorite dresses.

I am just not sure anyone here can relate!  Everyone has stayed the course with racing.  Everyone looks great, but more than looking great, everyone can move their body in functional ways to enjoy sport.  But here I am, on my 3rd year out of racing, and 40 has hit me like ton of bricks.  In the stomach and hips.  Not only can I not race right now,  I can't even fit into my clothes.

So, for this woman.  This mother.  This struggling athlete who refuses to be a has-been in this sport that is supposed to be life long, I can't fit into my clothes.  And after 40 years, I am struggling with my weight.  For the first time, I see my running pictures and cringe.  I don't want to post them.  I am embarrassed!

Whew!  That is personal.

Wonder if anyone else can relate.

My solution is more lifting for sure.  My solution is working with a coach again, because what I have been doing for 2 years is not working, so I need some objective assistance.  My solution is working on my nutrition.  (and I will save for another blog post why it is hard for me, coming from a family with a high percentage of eating disorders, to put a lot of focus on nutrition).  My solution is to continue to be honest about how difficult it can be to face the changes of an aging body BUT no make excuses.  My solution is to be kind to myself as I am to others.

xo

A New Start

I am going to re-design this blog.  I realized I don't want to stop blogging, it is just that I don't recognize this space anymore.  I started this blog in my late 20s.  I was blogging about training hard, finding my fastest self in races, and drinking wine with my girlfriends in Memphis.

Now, I am 40 years old and finding health, redefining myself, and hoping to find a place for me in the racing world while giving as much time as I possibly can to my job as a physical therapist and family.  I am virtually unrecognizable when placed next to the pictures of the racing girl on this page.  My heart is still the same, but my days look very different.  

And since life just looks different, so should this blog.  Give me a little time and it is done.  It is the next step.

I have decided to close out this year with as many positive things as I can.  Every month.  Every dang month I am going to make something awesome happen.

September 2018:

I am now a certified RRCA coach.  I have never felt at home like I did in this course.  I already knew the material they presented like the back of my hand...because it is on my bookshelf tattered and underlined through the years and books of reading I have done simply because I love running.   It was not that I did not learn anything new.  I did!  It is just that I was thrilled with how much I already did know.  In the coaching course I felt strong.  I felt knowledgeable.  I felt like a leader.  Following your passion is just simply awesome.

For the remainder of September I plan to hike some of the Appalachian Trail to clear my mind and heart.  I will then be back home with a clear mind and readiness to move forward to the next place.

A 5 Year Old

It is hard to believe Isla turned 5.  I am so proud of her development, her spirit, and her growth.  I cherish every single day I get with her.  I try not to take it for granted, as I know life can be taken from us in the blink of an eye.  But my hope as a mother is that we get to spend the rest of my life as people, mother and daughter, and friends.

Probably my favorite birthday quote from her was, "mom, I think I just want to stay 4.  I don't think I want to turn 5 anymore."  When I asked why, she replied, "Because if I turn 5, you will turn a year older too, and I don't want you to get older and die.  So I will just stay this age so we can be together forever."  WOW.  I had to write that one down so I don't ever forget it.

At 5 years of age, my daughter is kind.  She is a wonderful kid and a great joy in my life.

Guy, please

I am back on track in that I am able to do something daily again.  I always start back at Z2 and this time is no different.  It lets me build my tendons and strength back up while hopefully giving me some aerobic development.  I never mind Z2 and can do it for months and months....as long as I see some progress.  It has been particularly hard the past 2.5 years because I haven't seen any improvement like I used to see due to so many health issues, but I inherently know it is the right way to build so I commit to it and do it yet again.

Saturday I rode 3 hrs by myself in full Nola sun on the boring levee just being kind of miserable.  Well, mostly just lonely.  I was Z2 and kind of plodding along at  probably17mph.  I don't ever look at my pace when riding HR because it doesn't really matter.  It just is what it is.

About 2 hrs in a guy comes up to me and is like "Ha!  I caught ya!"  And I said aloud, accidentally, "Were you trying to catch me?  Why?"  But of course I know why, it is just what we do sometimes to motivate ourselves to ride quickly.  We try to over take other riders.  I get it.  I just don't ever say it!

Minutes later and the guy is still talking to me and I realize he thinks I am a shit rider.  I am riding Z2 about 17 mph I think or maybe even slower and just steady eddy.  He is talking about his big week of 225 miles on his bike, and I congratulate him on such awesome mileage.  (while in my head thinking I used to do that many weeks when I was really focused on ironman).  I try to be polite, build him up, and enjoy the company.  He asks me absolutely nothing about myself.  I ask him if he rides with any groups, to which he says that no, he rides solo and only stopped to say hi since I was slow.  

And boy did my ego have a fun time wrestling with that.  Of course I politely let him know I didn't want to hold him back, being such a slow rider and all, and it wouldn't hurt my feelings if he needed to continue on.  And he did, thank gosh.  So I could get back to listening to my Def Leppard Hysteria album. Cha-Ching!

So interesting how quickly athletes in the SBR world judge others.  I mean, I am out of shape.  I am riding/running/swimming way slower than I have in a decade.  On the surface it is so easy to judge.  But I could probably teach him a thing or 10 about riding, getting fast, etc.

I call it the Strava culture.  Impressive training is posted everywhere now.  In Memphis I was a little immune to it.  Most of the guys I rode with were amazing, having won tons of things over the years.  But very few of them had a Strava account, and no one care about KOM stuff.  It just wasn't even a conversation.  Down here in Nola, it is everything.  The race you didn't know you were doing.  The good riders have the best training on Strava.  No one wants to see zone 2 rides.  They want to see the World Championship Saturday morning winners.

Just like I took Facebook off of my phone, Strava got the good old delete as well earlier this year.  As did riding partners that stare at their mph the whole time.  I know what gets me to my goals: train easy on easy days and hard on hard days.  Don't be afraid to be the slowest person out there.  It works.

Because doing the right training matters more than doing the impressive training.

Back From The Break

I just finished a 3 week "no running break."  After talking with my good friend Charles about the same things I have been talking about for 2.5 years, he suggested, again, that I stop running for a while.  He reasoned I just needed a break from the sport for some motivation to return.  I 100% disagreed, as I have never felt burned out or unmotivated.  

BUT...  what the conversation did spark for me was the realization that I have not treated my injuries like injuries.  I give them 2-3 days off.  Maybe a week.  Then I run again.  But I don't consider it training because it is slow and the mileage is so low.   I justify it because I am doing so very little.  I feel like I can't take a break because I am so out of shape I just can't afford to sit out.  I don't want to get any slower.  I want to keep pushing on.  So, it feels like I have taken a ton of time off, and I HAVE.  But I have not taken the consecutive weeks off that I have needed to take off in a long time.  

I had to think about myself as a physical therapist.  What would I tell my patients?  How do I treat injuries?   Can I be more objective with myself instead of desperate?  

So, I had 2 weeks completely off, with a 2 mile "race" sandwiched in between (only because we were already committed)  1 more week completely off and then 1 week of mostly walking with jogging of .25 to 1 mile distances, progressed as if I were injured or coming off of surgery.  You know, like I actually used to do.  So, basically a month off.  

Let's chat about that 2 mile race in the middle of my rest break.  

It sucked.  I ran with no watch, which was great.  I don't want to see the slow time.  I don't want to worry about it.  I just do what my body can do.  What is my new normal is to be able to run for about 3-5 minutes at about 8 min pace (I think)  feeling okay, then feeling terrible...mostly like death or cement.  Every time I run and even get close to trying to pick up the pace I feel like my body is having some cardiac event.  I feel my body completely shutting down.  This day was no different.  

 Me, about .25 into the race, waving to Isla and feeling like if I can just run easy like this I will be okay.  

Me at the finish line.  I basically just struggled for most of the run and really could have just dropped out after a mile.  I forced myself to not jog to the finish line.  I finished with my slowest pace of the year, and I only had to cover 2 miles.  I was so happy to be done.

This past week I met with the hematologist after some (good) pressure from my internist.  There was some concern after looking at blood work and my recent 2 year history of downward performance and feeling terrible that my family history of hemochromatosis had extended to me.  My iron absorption rate and red blood cell size has been flagged for several years.  I was hoping to finally have some answers.  I did not get what I was looking for, but the hematologist said he didn't think I had the disorder, which was good news.  Not that he could truly tell without a liver biopsy or some other expensive work ups, but he didn't feel overly concerned with my blood work.  Nor did he know what was making me feel so badly.  But, after sitting in a waiting room full of cancer patients, I felt pretty grateful he sent me away with a good luck wish and nothing more.  

The great news now is that for the past 3 walk/jogs I have had way less pain running so I may be on the right track, at least orthopedically.  Without making this blog post too long, I'll update it as the weeks go on to see if I can get back to running, cycling, triathloning, getting fit, losing my extra pounds that came to be at 40, and just enjoying the journey.

Peace! 

Choosing Gratitude

Tonight I was finishing up a very slow (and as normal, feeling like mud) run in a heat index of 97 degrees.  I never thought I would have to force a run that was more than a mile, but literally more than a mile and I am counting down every 10th of a mile till I can stop.  And tonight was just more of that.

But I ran into a neighbor and her family and stopped to say hi.  They asked me how my run was going, and I realized I had about 5 different answers I could give them.  1.  Horrible.  2.  Horrible and my knees really hurt.  3.  Horrible and I never knew I could ever be so slow and that slow could still feel so hard.  4.  Horrible and I can't stop gaining weight.  5.  I am so grateful to be able to run.

And you know what!  "I am so grateful to be able to run" came out of my mouth, even though I feel 1-4 and think 1-4 constantly.  And it sounded so much better than whining.

I did a 5k last Friday night, and more of the same.  25:09 was the final time.  I just can't wrap my head around these times and such drastic slowing. But really, I can't wrap my head around the fact that my body won't move faster!  An 8 minute pace is literally all I've got.  But I finished and Dave asked me how it was, and what could I say?  1.  Another PW.  This really sucks.  2.  Slow as shit.  3.  you get the picture.  4.  At least I am out here doing a 5k and trying with everything I have to run.

And I decided to say choice 4.  I chose a more gracious answer.  Because, I am grateful that I can run even just 3 miles right now.  I have been so fortunate to have reached so many goals in running and triathlon.  I have had so many successes in my eyes!  I am grateful, grateful, grateful.

So if my body is slowing down on me, I won't quit, but I will keep being grateful while pushing onward.

In the quest to help my failing joints and body, I tried one more time to get a bike fit.  And you guys may feel like me....doesn't it get old trying to find the right fit, fitter, and equipment for your bike?  I am not trying to be the most aero or get free speed anymore.  I just want to sit on my bike and feel good.  Thanks to Mark Miller, in Lafayette, I think I am a step closer to being there.  I did my first trainer ride in 3 months yesterday and my legs felt way better than they have in a year.
I count that as a big step forward, and I am really going to try to push more cycling miles into my training in an attempt to heal/help/support/strengthen my knees and structures around them.

Again, not giving up.  Grateful.  

When You Have To Start At The Beginning...Again

After 4 days of no exercise or training and only 4 hours of sleep last night, I woke up in a pool of sweat with my clothes and sheets completely soaked.  It is reminiscent of the flu I had in February, but it is not the flu.  But alas, I am up and awake while everyone sleeps.  So this is a good time to blog.

I am going to start this blog in reverse order- maybe it will make more sense.  This is the fluid that was drained out of my knees on Tuesday.  There was no forewarning this would happen.  On Saturday through Monday I worked some big hospital days and didn't run at all with the exception of 2 easy miles with Dave just to chat.  On Tuesday I did my normal track workout- 4 x 800, 2 x 400 with friends.   We run it at an 8 minute pace people- not setting the world on fire and incredibly slower than I have ever run track workout in my life.  I don't move well anymore, and running never feels good anymore.  There is very little pleasure in it when I do it, but I ultimately just love the sport and keep thinking if I will just hang on one more minute, things will feel better.  Workout done, took Isla to school, went to work, picked Isla up, finished paper work at home...and then couldn't walk.  My left knee had swollen to the size of a grapefruit with no warning as it hadn't had any unusual or injury preceding pain running that morning.  8 hours later my right knee swelled too.  For two days I could not walk or bear weight.  I was in 9/10 pain.  I had never felt anything like it.

At first I thought to go see an Ortho doc, but as both knees swelled I wondered if I shouldn't be seeing a Rheumatologist instead.  My dad has RA.  I have hadcold sores my whole life, followed by Epstein Barr Virus, and two years of feeling horrible.  It was not out of the realm of possibilities that something autoimmune was going on.

I went to the ortho doc because he was the only one that could fit me in.  I got the very normal, "oh you run.  This is arthritis.  Your knees are not healthy.  Modify your training."  Modify from what I said.... 8 miles in 4 days?  Hardly excessive???!!!!  I haven't gone over 30 miles a week in the past month and that took forever to build up.  And before that it was even lower!  I am not triathlon training.  There is nothing excessive in this picture.  As usual, I had no answers and felt defeated.  I have a doctorate degree in physical therapy and a 25 year degree in running/ 12 year degree in triathlon.  I understand training load.  I begged him to test for further problems, but he wouldn't.  If my knees have been this bad since I was 20, what if there was a condition that was missed all along?

(And yes, I am still going to get and appointment with a Rheumatologist.  What if we have blamed my incredible knee damage on soccer and running as a 20 year old when really I was damaging it from another inflammatory process?  The flare up was so sudden, so significant, so debilitating!  I have never encountered this in my life!)

But, what he did do was drain off all of that fluid and put cortisone in my knees.  2 days later and I can mostly walk again.  Not pain free, but I am moving.

So, that is where I am.  Scared.  Frustrated.  Pissed.  I have been trying so hard.  SO DAMN hard for 2 years and 5 months- the amount of time this has been going on.

On to my last race...

My recent race:  The ATR10k 2018 in March- Starting Over

- My A goals were unquantifiable:  I wanted to feel good, which I mostly don't anymore.  I mostly didn't at this race either, but did not feel near as bad the 5k I did with Laura, so that was positive.  I also wanted what I thought would get me top 10 in AG which was sub 50.  Which you can't predict and I didn't get.  But it gave me a reason to try to run faster rather than be satisfied with just finishing.  I am still trying to race when I am out there.  My brain is willing, my body is not.
- My B goal was a sub 50:  I went 50:04
- My C goal was to beat my time of 51:21 from when I was 20 and first did this race.  Yes!  This was my 20th anniversary of this race, and more importantly my 20th anniversary of having the courage to go run a road race all by myself, knowing no one, being slow, and enjoying it anyway.

I paced well.  Felt "okay" but never good.  Every run I do is a massive struggle from the first quarter mile, no matter what the pace is.  I would go faster if I could, but my body won't move.  But this was the same pace I held for the 5k 2 weeks earlier so it was promising.

Which brings me here.  Last Saturday I needed to run long, but Isla had 2 birthday parties, Dave had training, and we had friends to go visit that evening an hour away.  We met our friends near a great trail and I wanted to go running, even if I only had time for 3 miles.  Isla really wanted to come, so I scraped MY run and made it OUR run, which looks like some running and a lot of hiking and exploring.  And it was beautiful, and bonding, and perfect.  We even got lost, which added drama to everyone's night.  We were cold, it was raining, and we were lost.  But we laughed about our "Adventurer's Club" and just talked about how amazing it is that we can run and be with nature.  And all of this to say I am very selective on when I give up my time as a mom.  While I do sometimes miss a school drop off or a dinner with the family to fit in a short workout, I am mostly mom.  Because while seeing your mom train is super inspiring and cool, what is really cool is when mom is with you physically and being present in your life.  We are forging our bond and we are tight.  That means more to me than any medal.  And I say this NOT to say that you can't be a mom and an excellent athlete.  You CAN!  You WILL!  But to say for me, right now if I cannot get healthy enough to compete, I am so glad I find so much joy in my family.  No doubt I want both mom and athlete, but I am glad that being a mom brings me a great deal of happiness.

I proved to myself in the first 2 years of her life that I could compete again.  I qualified for Boston on my own and easily.  I set a few course PRs in running races.  I did two half ironman in the 5:02-5:10 range.  Not PRs, but great for self- coaching and breast feeding for 2 years.  I know my sports and I love them.  My body is failing me NOW, but I really do know if I can just keep looking forward and heal I will be back to racing, but mostly back to LOVING to be out there.  Which I did.  And which I still do in my heart.

So, wish me luck.  While motherhood is easier now with a slightly older kid and I should be blowing life away, I seem to be in my worst spot.  It is a complete regression to the injured and sad athlete I was at 26 years of age.  I figured it out then, and I am hoping I can figure it out now.  Hugs, support, suggestions.....all welcome.

SaveSaveSaveSave

March 2018

I started off March with a bust.  I did another 5k not necessarily expecting to be faster since I had the flu at the end of Feb, but at least equal to my February 5k.  It was completely NO BUENO.  I felt terrible the entire time and could not even hold an 8 minute pace.  I am not going to lie, I have been so incredibly discouraged the past 2 years, and days like that one do not encourage my hopeful side.  

Getting through runs like that are so tough.  But I know if I cannot be in control of my body right now, I am certainly in control of my mind.  Isla, Laura, and I had just done the 1 mile kids run and we have a rule that when we run we will smile, have fun, encourage others, and be positive.  Period.  There is a time and place to be disappointed in performance, but it is not during the race.  Hide that shit, put on a smile, and be grateful.  Isla is really really good at this.  She is usually one of the last runners as she is 1.  only 4 years old  2. not competitive (yet or ever?) but she never gets down about it when she is out there.  So, I had just spent a mile practicing positivity with her and I carried the skills over to my race and put on a smile even when I felt terrible and had an equally terrible clock time to match.  

I feel like these races deserve a little more dissection on my blog, but I am not blogging often enough to keep up.  Next time!

Isla ran a 15:11 mile for her first mile ever...which I think is fantastic for a 4-year old that doesn't like to compete or sweat.  She ran 80% of I would say with a few walk breaks.  

Put a smile on yo face!

Isn't this picture wonderful?  Strong women running!

I had a "better" 10k a couple of weeks later, but I will save that for another post.  

And the rest of the month was just a lot of the normal fun I have with the non-stop juggling of friend life, work life, and mom life!  Oh, and I turned 40.  I can't believe I didn't blog about turning 40.  40 people!!!!!  I was in my 20s when I started this blog as scary as that is.  Where did the time go?

        

February Recap

Another 5k and some progress.  I finally got back under 8 and had commendable pacing.  Although I was really far back in the field and racing to the line didn't really matter, I was glad to see I had a little fire to work really hard the last .1.  I absolutely have not had that lately.  Getting the racing mentality back is something I have struggled with the past 2 years.  I love to race, but consistently racing sick or out of shape and I had become very complacent with just finishing.  It was nice to make it hurt a bit at the end.  Finish strong!  My race pictures were horrid.  Loss of muscle, increased body fat, and almost 40 skin doesn't make for good running pictures!  But, I will take some bad pictures if it comes with faster times.

 And the sprint to the finish with a girl in a tutu.  Dave gave me such a hard time over this.  

If we are Facebook friends, then you know Isla ran her first race ever the same day and got a medal for finishing a half mile.  You know she is not competitive, very shy, and doesn't like to sweat.  We had so much fun running this together, and she only walked about 4 steps before I was able to encourage her to press on.  It was truly one of the best mornings of my life.   And most importantly, she was proud and had fun.  

This is what it is all about folks!  Have the courage to start.  Enjoy the process and every step you get to take.  Be proud of finishing.  

I was happy to see progress in my race and motivated to try to continue to add miles to my running and really hit the gym.  But instead, the flu hit me.  I have now been out 2 solid weeks without any running or training.  I tried to do a run today, but my body is just not ready.  1 step forward and 2 back seem to be a running theme these days, but I am DETERMINED to make 2018 a great year for me athletically.

Next 5k is in 2 weeks.  I am hesitant to race as I think I will need 4-6 weeks to just get back to where I was.  I will think on this more.  I want to keep racing, but I don't want to dig any holes.  

The flu timed itself so very well that I missed 50% of mardi gras, including Fat Tuesday.  Thanks flu! 

Of course what I did get to do was exceptionally fun.  I am definitely in my element this time of year.  

Krewe of Muses with the family

Krewe of Nyx with the girls

Downtown Mardi gras with Memphis friends 

Racing Into Shape

First "race" of 2018.  Racing my way into shape, I am.  And it is hard, and it sucks, and I am slow.  It is kind of fun, mostly because I like to run no matter what.  I realized recently that age 39 put me at 25 years of formal running as I started running track in high school at age 14.  Wow.  It has been a good 25 years.  

But I feel super betrayed by my body, still.  I set another personal worst for the 9k race.  Well, maybe not a PW as I ran a 5 miler pretty darn slow 6 weeks after I had Isla.  But, if we exclude 5 months post partum, every race in the past 2 years has been a PW and the trend continues.  But this is not a post to continue my complaints about my lists of PWs handed to me from 2017 on.  This is my post to say I expect them to be there as I race through the year.  My process will clearly take me through many slow miles.  

At the race, my pacing is excellent as always.  I can't remember my exact splits and don't feel like looking them up, but it was something like 8:30, 8:15, 8:10, 8:05, 7:55, 7:45.  Or something close to that.  Can't remember exact average pace but maybe close to 8:07?  So, my 9k pace is my old marathon pace or Sunday long run while talking with friends pace.  Oh my gerd.  But, I am racing correctly for my fitness level.  My body just really won't go faster.  And fortunately I just have a good feel for what my body can do and I do it and that is that.  So, I settle into my run and know it is where it is going to be regardless of what numbers I want to see on the clock.  I don't fret, I just try to sustain.  

So, I am going into these races knowing I will set PWs and I will be slow and feel very unathletic.  Since this is the case, I have a bunch of process goals for the races.  1.  All through the race I remind myself these miles are making me fitter.  2.  I work on my form, which has really deteriorated over the past 2 years.  I focus on my arms, shoulders, hands, turnover, push off, running tall (I swear I have started to shrink and become sway back), etc.   3.  I work on even and/or negative split pacing and the feel of the pacing.  4.  I try to continue to cultivate my love for running....feeling the positive vibes of a good run on an early morning, meeting new people, saying kind words to others on the course, etc.  Honestly, it is easier to love running when running is easier.  And when it is not easy I have absorb positive from every external source from the beautiful morning, to the historical site I run through, to the other humans on the course with me.  5.  Oh, and I work on cutting the tangents.  I always work on this. 

40 is just 2 months away.  Between now and then, and for the rest of my 40th year, I am going to race my way back into shape.  I am just not quite ready to give up on all of this just yet, and in the meantime I will keep trying to post every race to see if 2018 will bring about some needed progress.  Next race should be a 5k in a couple of weeks.  My original goal was to get under 8 min per mile, but my mileage has been super low (15-20 miles low) , so I may not see linear progress from race to race.  Totally fine with that. just so long as at some point, not light years away, I start to get faster.
#hopeful

2018- GO!

I didn't do any sort of end of year recap.  I can't say that 2017 sucked, because it didn't.  I wake up every day with the family I love.  Dave and I bought a house that we love in the second oldest neighborhood in New Orleans, and we now have a quirky and awesome house from circa 1850.  Isla loves school.  Dave is thriving in his job.  I worked my butt off this year as a physical therapist.

And I had the worst year athletically.  I set new personal worsts in racing.  Or, I didn't race.  Many of us have these years after pregnancy or an injury, and that somehow seems acceptable.  But just having one bad year out of the blue wasn't acceptable to me.  I didn't go down without a fight, but I did go down.

But nothing has changed in my mind.  I  am going to keep on grinding.  I have put some races on the calendar, which will definitely be more embarrassingly slow races, but I am going to race my way back into shape.  Part of the struggle of 2017 was my intense loneliness in what is already an individual sport.  I am no longer on a team, and I no longer have a master's swim team, my GeneralOWL run group, or my Los Locos racing team.  I don't put on a Wattie Ink kit.  I am solo- daily.  So, I think at this point it is imperative that I race to meet people and stay connected.

But the pathway is still the same.  Work hard.  Don't quit.

2018:

• Increase my racing
• Transition Isla to school
• Improve work stability
• Paint the inside of my house and get furniture
• Create pathway to APE certification or special education department work
• Pursue something NOT sports related:  go to VegFest was one thing I thought to do, but possibly some meditative retreats. 
• Find a way to volunteer with animals again
• Pick a good trail race- end of the year- distance TBD 
• Get my RRCA coaching certification

That seems like a good start.  

Over and out!