A few things happened after those marathon duds that set me off on the right path.
1. I completed my first ironman. Then my second. Then my third. All with steady marathons- never walking a bit.
2.
I worked with some great coaches like Jen Harrison and Lucho, and they
taught me how to really focus and train. I finally saw the connection between my training and my racing. And it wasn't that I wasn't training hard all of that time, I just wasn't making every session count in the way that more focused athletes have learned to do.
3.
I stopped playing soccer. I remember trying to do a track
practice and a soccer game in the same day. I was always sore,
exhausted, and injured. My knee was so damaged, and I just continued to injure it week after week.
4. I had knee surgery at the end of 2009. This was
probably this biggest break through for me. Finally, I could run pain
free after years of pain. I can't tell you what a difference it is for me- I can't even quantify it.
I also started re-writing my story as I had more success and became more mature as an adult. So, the negative internal tape that played over and over (read last post) was getting re-written with every bit of progress I made in running and racing. And I started to look at myself more objectively. I felt like a slow kid for many years, but in reality, no one plays college soccer or gets recruited by two teams to play semi- pro with no ability to run. It was always a little ridiculous that I felt that way. It was just that insecure voice that would pop up again and again. But here was the reality: I wasn't last in sprints...I just wasn't first. I would beat everyone in the 2 mile time trials, but get hung up on the fact that I wasn't leading the shorter runs. I did well at some track meets in high school, I just didn't make it to the state meets, so I felt inadequate. I was okay at local 5ks, but some girls were 2 minutes faster so I would feel embarrassed by my time. But in reality, I was doing well. I was just falling prey to that voice that tells me I must be
amazing to be good: the voice of the "perfectionist." For years I had written some script that said I wasn't a fast runner, and it was up to me to change the script and dream! Because hopefully we have many years on this earth, so we don't need to live our lives confined by our self-view as a child. We can grow, improve, and excel at any age! So yes, I was a slow kid and running speed is not natural to me, but I have improved over time.
And somewhere between 2008 and now, I didn't feel slow anymore...I felt good enough without needing to define it. I also became VERY focused on the process of training and racing and less focused on times. I rarely race now with a time or pace goal. It is about learning to turn myself inside out to race well, regardless of the number on the clock.
So, marathon tim
e. By this point, I am in agreement with myself that I can run.
I have been a little lost athletically since having Isla. Several triathlete moms really encouraged me to focus on running. I kept stabbing at triathlon, but I have really struggled to get back to where I was and beyond. Something had to change, and I needed some mojo. I have a few goals written down, and one was this long standing goal of a BQ that I felt should have been crossed off by now. Around June/July, I decided that I was going to make life simple, sign up for a marathon, and coach myself. I wanted the challenge of facing this alone and just doing what I knew needed to be done. I wanted it all on my shoulders.
Even though I had only averaged 20 or less miles per week for the past year, I didn't want a long build up. I just wanted to pick a race, commit, and execute. It is easier on my family if I don't make huge, long term training plans. My running buddy, Bill, did the BQ.2 marathon last year and suggested it to me. It is a no-nonsense, 8 loop run course that is low key but serious enough to keep you motivated. So, I was about 14 weeks out, and I pulled the trigger without a second thought. I had no running base, but I was injury free and motivated so I registered immediately and got to work.
To give you an idea of how serious this race is about qualifying for Boston, they have very calculated pace groups with multiple leaders to pull hopeful runners to their BQ time.
This specific marathon is run solely to help people to get to Boston, and it is held on the last weekend of qualification for that year so that people can take one last stab at their dreams of a BQ for that year. But, at some point in my training, I realized that going for a BQ was not what I was about. It was an arbitrary number, set at 3:40 for my age, that someone said meant that I was a good marathoner. I stopped buying in to that. And honestly, I felt that I had it in me to be faster than that, so I decided to let the day and race come to me. My running friends thought that was a cop-out and wanted a hard number. But how could I choose one? It had been 7 years since my last marathon. I thought 3:40 was soft, but 3:30 could be too fast. I thought the best way to approach it was to get one marathon under my belt and have a baseline. I didn't want to chase the BQ anymore. That was so 2007. :) And my running friends are ALL about Boston. But you know, I am a triathlete. I have other goals and other dreams that seem bigger in my mind, so, I just tried to stay balance in my own mind and not let my running be defined by this magical time.
But at the same time- I NEEDED that BQ monkey off of my back. It was just something that needed to be done, dusted, and put on the shelf.
300 runner limit for the Last Chance BQ.2 Marathon. You have to reach certain time standards to register for the race, thus everyone there is really close to or has surpassed a BQ time. Here we are, starting the day.
My plan was to pace around a 3:35 and really take no risks. I hated to think that way about a race, but I kept telling myself to play defense and just have a good day out there with no blow ups. I NEEDED a good marathon. I thought that an 8:10 to 8:15 ish pace would be appropriate for starting, and I started right on that pace with first four miles being 8:11, 8:16. 8:12, 8:10 on garmin.
The laps were a little more than three miles long, so I focused on completing them one at a time. There was a pretty big headwind on one side of the river for about a mile, so that was tough to face 8x. But, the weather was great and the course was beautiful, so overall it was pretty ideal.
I felt like I was on a training run, and I honestly felt a little bored. But, another cool thing about the race is the bibs- my number was 34029- so I needed a 3:40 to BQ, and I was number 29. It made it easy to spot other runners on the course and figure out who may be running a pace similar to yours.
I started with the 3:40 pace group (set to run a 3:37 so that people would more than likely get into the Boston Marathon), but I thought their initial pace was too fast. So, I ran the first lap behind them, caught up to them the second lap, then had to pee, caught back up to them, and then went in front of them starting lap 3. From there on out, I was completely solo. And it was a long day.
I did get a little lonely out there.
Later in the race...lonely...solo. I remember when it was mile 10 I couldn't believe I had 16 more to go. It just felt like a long day. I think Ironman goes by faster than this day did for me.
My pace dropped naturally, and I was running anywhere from 8:05 to 7:55 ish. Around 10-13 miles, I realized my garmin was reading much longer than the mile markers. At 13 miles, I was .25 longer on my garmin. So, either my garmin read long, I was running long, or the course was slightly long. Either way, I realized I had to be careful that I didn't get to 26.2 miles, only to have .5 left to run and not enough time to make it. .5 would equal 4 minutes to me, and that is a lot of time if you aren't aware! By mile 17 or so, I was finally feeling smooth, and I was starting to run about a 7:45 pace with no extra effort. Overall I was feeling like it was a long training day. I wasn't LOVING the day, but it was fine and I felt like I was just there to do work. Mile 19 was 7:39, and it was all easy. And then my garmin died.
It was the oddest thing, but I didn't know what to do. This is the only marathon where I have ever had a garmin besides IMWales, so you would think I would be fine, but I was a little thrown by it. Seeing good splits motivated me. That was my visual motivation, and it was all of a sudden gone. I felt really frustrated.
I ran the next lap blind, and I didn't like that. Here I was, at the critical 20-26 miles, and I didn't know my pace. I felt like I was slowing, but I didn't know what the reality of my pace was. My attitude died with my garmin, even though I told myself to let it go. So for one lap, I just focused on nutrition and finding girls up ahead of me to pass.
And aren't these water tables cool? You had your own, assigned water bottle table where you could put your own special drinks. Then, when you were done with your bottle, you threw it down in this one area, and it would magically appear at your table for the next lap. It was fun :)
On the last lap, my quads were shot. But you know, I have felt that before at ironman, so I knew I could keep running, even though my legs said I couldn't. I did slow. I thought I was running 10 minute miles and was honestly scared I was not going to be under 3:40, but in reality, they were somewhere between 8:10-8:20 probably. I was definitely ready to be done, and there was no finishing kick or magic. I remember saying to myself, "I will never do another marathon or ironman again." Somewhere in those last few miles, I was sure I would never qualify for Kona because I just wouldn't ever be a fast enough runner. I started to even question if I was going to BQ because I knew I was running so slowly.
And then I finished in 3:32:49. It was so odd when I finished because I had such poor concept of time or pace, so I didn't know if I would finish in 3:37, 3:41, or what. It was only when I saw the finish line that I realized I was okay.
I didn't feel as overwhelmed with emotion like I did at my ironman races. I was glad to walk for a minute and then felt completely fine. I finally did cry a bit when I realized that all of those years of wondering why I sucked at marathons...why my friends could all BQ but not me...and all of that disappointment was finally gone. It really wasn't about the BQ, it was about perseverance.
Slowly descending the pace- my guess is I was about .5/4 minutes long on my garmin, so thank goodness I picked it up in the middle. At one point, Gina kept telling me I was at 8:15 pace, and I thought she was dead wrong as I was running 7:5x pace. It took me a bit to realize that I had to factor in garmin distance not equaling run distance!
Overall, I give myself a B+ for the race. I think my pacing was pretty good. I negative split the marathon. I need to get comfortable again racing with watch splits as opposed to the instant garmin data.
I give myself an A for training execution. It wasn't perfect, but I
think I got the most possible out of training June-August. It was just a really hard time of year to train with such high humidity and heat. If I could
have changed anything, it would be to pick a late fall marathon so I
could do more marathon paced runs. Those just weren't really viable in
110 heat index, so I did the best I could with the weather I had. I
didn't miss runs, didn't get injured, and felt pretty positive the whole
time. I absolutely could have used a bigger base and more
miles/fitness/strength, but I made the most out of the build up that I
could. And, I do think mileage is super important, but I just didn't give myself enough time to build up to more miles. So, I just hit about 50 and stayed there. With a short build up, I really didn't want to risk much more, but I do think I would thrive with higher mileage through out the year and higher mileage in marathon training. Here is the distance I did get in:
Week 37 is the marathon- I tried to get in 4 weeks of "base" - lol...but whatever...talk about cramming, and then after the 17 mile week (beach vacation week), I hit the ground running with 12 weeks to go before the marathon.
And yes, I will do another marathon. Even though I SWORE in the last few miles that NEVER AGAIN would I do a marathon. I will set time goals for this next race. I will go out on pace and see if I can hold it. I will challenge myself!
SUPER thanks to running BFF Gina. She not only traveled with me for this race, but she also has supported me for all of these years of bonks and blow ups. I am not sure we have ever laughed as hard as we did on this trip.
And, of course....
JEN HARRISON!!! What an amazing woman. She has been a mentor to me for such a long time now. All weekend long she was texting, supporting, helping, and encouraging. This woman is wise, people! And I love her. Thanks for meeting me to celebrate with a beer. It meant the world to me. xo
