A 5 Year Old

It is hard to believe Isla turned 5.  I am so proud of her development, her spirit, and her growth.  I cherish every single day I get with her.  I try not to take it for granted, as I know life can be taken from us in the blink of an eye.  But my hope as a mother is that we get to spend the rest of my life as people, mother and daughter, and friends.

Probably my favorite birthday quote from her was, "mom, I think I just want to stay 4.  I don't think I want to turn 5 anymore."  When I asked why, she replied, "Because if I turn 5, you will turn a year older too, and I don't want you to get older and die.  So I will just stay this age so we can be together forever."  WOW.  I had to write that one down so I don't ever forget it.

At 5 years of age, my daughter is kind.  She is a wonderful kid and a great joy in my life.

Guy, please

I am back on track in that I am able to do something daily again.  I always start back at Z2 and this time is no different.  It lets me build my tendons and strength back up while hopefully giving me some aerobic development.  I never mind Z2 and can do it for months and months....as long as I see some progress.  It has been particularly hard the past 2.5 years because I haven't seen any improvement like I used to see due to so many health issues, but I inherently know it is the right way to build so I commit to it and do it yet again.

Saturday I rode 3 hrs by myself in full Nola sun on the boring levee just being kind of miserable.  Well, mostly just lonely.  I was Z2 and kind of plodding along at  probably17mph.  I don't ever look at my pace when riding HR because it doesn't really matter.  It just is what it is.

About 2 hrs in a guy comes up to me and is like "Ha!  I caught ya!"  And I said aloud, accidentally, "Were you trying to catch me?  Why?"  But of course I know why, it is just what we do sometimes to motivate ourselves to ride quickly.  We try to over take other riders.  I get it.  I just don't ever say it!

Minutes later and the guy is still talking to me and I realize he thinks I am a shit rider.  I am riding Z2 about 17 mph I think or maybe even slower and just steady eddy.  He is talking about his big week of 225 miles on his bike, and I congratulate him on such awesome mileage.  (while in my head thinking I used to do that many weeks when I was really focused on ironman).  I try to be polite, build him up, and enjoy the company.  He asks me absolutely nothing about myself.  I ask him if he rides with any groups, to which he says that no, he rides solo and only stopped to say hi since I was slow.  

And boy did my ego have a fun time wrestling with that.  Of course I politely let him know I didn't want to hold him back, being such a slow rider and all, and it wouldn't hurt my feelings if he needed to continue on.  And he did, thank gosh.  So I could get back to listening to my Def Leppard Hysteria album. Cha-Ching!

So interesting how quickly athletes in the SBR world judge others.  I mean, I am out of shape.  I am riding/running/swimming way slower than I have in a decade.  On the surface it is so easy to judge.  But I could probably teach him a thing or 10 about riding, getting fast, etc.

I call it the Strava culture.  Impressive training is posted everywhere now.  In Memphis I was a little immune to it.  Most of the guys I rode with were amazing, having won tons of things over the years.  But very few of them had a Strava account, and no one care about KOM stuff.  It just wasn't even a conversation.  Down here in Nola, it is everything.  The race you didn't know you were doing.  The good riders have the best training on Strava.  No one wants to see zone 2 rides.  They want to see the World Championship Saturday morning winners.

Just like I took Facebook off of my phone, Strava got the good old delete as well earlier this year.  As did riding partners that stare at their mph the whole time.  I know what gets me to my goals: train easy on easy days and hard on hard days.  Don't be afraid to be the slowest person out there.  It works.

Because doing the right training matters more than doing the impressive training.

Back From The Break

I just finished a 3 week "no running break."  After talking with my good friend Charles about the same things I have been talking about for 2.5 years, he suggested, again, that I stop running for a while.  He reasoned I just needed a break from the sport for some motivation to return.  I 100% disagreed, as I have never felt burned out or unmotivated.  

BUT...  what the conversation did spark for me was the realization that I have not treated my injuries like injuries.  I give them 2-3 days off.  Maybe a week.  Then I run again.  But I don't consider it training because it is slow and the mileage is so low.   I justify it because I am doing so very little.  I feel like I can't take a break because I am so out of shape I just can't afford to sit out.  I don't want to get any slower.  I want to keep pushing on.  So, it feels like I have taken a ton of time off, and I HAVE.  But I have not taken the consecutive weeks off that I have needed to take off in a long time.  

I had to think about myself as a physical therapist.  What would I tell my patients?  How do I treat injuries?   Can I be more objective with myself instead of desperate?  

So, I had 2 weeks completely off, with a 2 mile "race" sandwiched in between (only because we were already committed)  1 more week completely off and then 1 week of mostly walking with jogging of .25 to 1 mile distances, progressed as if I were injured or coming off of surgery.  You know, like I actually used to do.  So, basically a month off.  

Let's chat about that 2 mile race in the middle of my rest break.  

It sucked.  I ran with no watch, which was great.  I don't want to see the slow time.  I don't want to worry about it.  I just do what my body can do.  What is my new normal is to be able to run for about 3-5 minutes at about 8 min pace (I think)  feeling okay, then feeling terrible...mostly like death or cement.  Every time I run and even get close to trying to pick up the pace I feel like my body is having some cardiac event.  I feel my body completely shutting down.  This day was no different.  

 Me, about .25 into the race, waving to Isla and feeling like if I can just run easy like this I will be okay.  

Me at the finish line.  I basically just struggled for most of the run and really could have just dropped out after a mile.  I forced myself to not jog to the finish line.  I finished with my slowest pace of the year, and I only had to cover 2 miles.  I was so happy to be done.

This past week I met with the hematologist after some (good) pressure from my internist.  There was some concern after looking at blood work and my recent 2 year history of downward performance and feeling terrible that my family history of hemochromatosis had extended to me.  My iron absorption rate and red blood cell size has been flagged for several years.  I was hoping to finally have some answers.  I did not get what I was looking for, but the hematologist said he didn't think I had the disorder, which was good news.  Not that he could truly tell without a liver biopsy or some other expensive work ups, but he didn't feel overly concerned with my blood work.  Nor did he know what was making me feel so badly.  But, after sitting in a waiting room full of cancer patients, I felt pretty grateful he sent me away with a good luck wish and nothing more.  

The great news now is that for the past 3 walk/jogs I have had way less pain running so I may be on the right track, at least orthopedically.  Without making this blog post too long, I'll update it as the weeks go on to see if I can get back to running, cycling, triathloning, getting fit, losing my extra pounds that came to be at 40, and just enjoying the journey.

Peace!