Pushing On

First impromptu triathlon of the year was today.  What can I say?  So much has been going on.  SO much.  Hard to even know where to start.  We are moving, and I will save that for another post.  Dave has been an amazing packer, thanks to my "I have the flu/ Isla has the flu and must stay in bed for a full week" excuse.  But yes- another post on MOVING.

Between the hip, the flu, and my bad attitude, training was non-existent around here for quite a while.  I had the cortisone shots in my hip, which, like the bandaid that they are,  have minimized the pain but not solved the problem.

The flu took out my entire system.  I returned to swim this week, but could only finish about half of the yardage we normally do in class and would then sit on the edge of the pool, just completely spent.  I mean, I would just sit there.  It was wild.

I finally returned to running.  At first I couldn't do 1 mile.  And then I could do 5, but even a 10 minute pace was too much.  It really was just crazy- viruses are nuts!  And finally, I did 18 miles yesterday, which was a HUGE jump.  At first, I couldn't run 10 minute miles and I wanted to quit around 5 miles.  But then, I finally felt better after about an hour and I had this huge turnaround.   Gina told me I better take advantage of it and get in a long run if I could handle it.  So, I completed my 2nd long run in 5 months.  Better late than never, I told myself.

(Which brings up the taper.  Friends were horrified I ran 18 yesterday....where is the taper?  Well, I think you taper when you are fit.  And when I am fit, I really want a taper.  I look forward to it.  For me, there is nothing to taper from.  I haven't hardly been running in a month!  And before that, I was hardly running for months!  So, no 3 week taper for me.  I almost consider what I am doing a reverse taper.)

The bike- it has been sitting in my house with a flat tire and gearing that wouldn't shift since March 5.  So, I haven't ridden my bike for 1 full month.  I finally took it to the bike shop yesterday and had it re-cabled.  And while I love my bike, I have also not loved my bike in a while.  Hence, I haven't been riding it.  To be honest, it is just the first to get cut when stuff is going on.  And we have had A LOT of stuff going on.  I have so many bike excuses, and they are lame, I know.

And then I had FOMO- fear of missing out.  Some of my sweet teammates from Los Locos were doing Rebelman Triathlon this year.  Rebelman was my very first triathlon-ever- in 2006.  I wanted to do it with my team.  I wanted to complete the full circle as a Memphis triathlete with my team.  So, like a complete IDIOT, I did it today.

It was 10000% worth it, although it 10000% sucked too.  I certainly had no business being out there, but I just couldn't DNS.  It was my 10th season anniversary race.  It is so hard to believe!

I swam like shit.  (of course, right?  I couldn't even complete 1 whole swim practice this week).
I biked like shit.  (Maybe if I would ride even 1 x within a month of a race)
I ran like shit.  (it just sucked.  I was tired from my long run.  My hip hurt.  I didn't care.)
I transitioned like shit.  (well, I just didn't want to be uncomfortable or shred my feet for Boston, so for the first time in 10 years, I put on socks.  Ha!  And arm warmers.  So funny :)
#TriExcuses

Oh, but one GREAT thing today- NO FOOT PAIN.  After 2 years of nerve pain in my feet- nothing today.  So darn happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it really was worth it (well, on one level)-  For this reason:

I mean, truly worth it to spend time with my guys.  I am so dern proud of them all- they work so hard.

But you know me- I am so damn competitive that I was grumpy after the race.  I was grumpy that I was so slow and did so horribly, even though I KNOW I deserved the result.  This is why I will never return to the soccer field- because I will be competing with 22-year-olds out of college and coming home crying when I am not playing at their level, even though I haven't touched a ball in years.  I swear I can laugh at myself because it really is funny.  I know myself well, even if I don't like to admit these things.

And honestly, races are just more fun when you can really give it to yourself, you know?  When you RACE.  And the whole time today I just thought about how much each mile kind of sucked.  It is not like me to think like that at all.  I am generally trying to figure out how to get even 1 extra second out of myself.  So, I think it is just hard to race coming off of sickness and injury.  You are just not ready to be there.

I say I am ready to be competitive at triathlon again, and I am.  So I say.  But then I show up to races not ready to race.  So, my actions certainly don't match how I think I feel.  But, then I also do want to be able to get out there and enjoy friends.  If I wait till I am competition fit, I will be missing a lot of races.  But this has just been a cycle of weirdness with the sport of triathlon for me since having Isla. I mean, how many races in the past 3 years have I felt this same way?  I am either sick, injured, un-fit.  It has just been a un-relenting 3 years for me.   I just have not really ever been "back." And I do truly want to get back.  I do not feel that my best years are behind me, although I absolutely believe now that I am going to have to work harder than ever to reach my goals.

But, big move on the horizon.  Lot's of changes and some things to sort through.  I haven't given up on myself, and as my wise friend who recently passed away would encourage, I always bet on myself.  And, I am excited for a life change.  It will be great, and it will hopefully be a catalyst for more growth and excitement.

Boston next.  I have zero clue what to do for the next two weeks, since I don't know how to taper from not being fit.  Angela K or Jen, could you chime in here?  I kind of just want to run my way into Boston with some rest the final week.  With no time goals in Boston....where to go from here?  I can tell you, though, I will be resting a ton these two weeks and really taking a lot of supplements and good nutrition.  You can fake a lot of easy stuff...running, sprint triathlons, etc.  But, you cannot fake a marathon.  I need to feel well when I hit that starting line.

And after Boston- complete rest with a focus on family and moving.  I am taking a small break and will turn my focus to the late summer and fall.  :)

Super thanks to Wattie Ink- felt great to put on my 5th year kit for the first time today!!! Enell Bras for my Biscay Green Bra- matching my kit- for some good girl support,  Blue Seventy for the swim skin to hold it all in, Cannonade for the ride that has gotten me through 7 seasons of racing,  Herbalife 24 for awesome recovery products, Zealios for keeping my skin safe from the sun, and Los Locos for the on-site team support.