Hitting the Road Again

August 4th was my last bike ride on the road.  It was my 100 mile ride to Oxford, which I was able to complete, but I knew something was wrong.  Today, 4 months later, I hit the road again for the first time. 

I have not been riding the trainer since I got sick.  I have been on it a couple of times, but my power was so low and the fatigue was so high, it just became more of a burden than enjoyment.  I think the last time I was on the trainer I was able to ride 10 minutes before I just felt so tired and sick I had to crawl off and feel sorry for myself. 

This morning I woke up, and for the first time in 4 months, I felt like taking my bike outside.  I rode for a very easy hour down the Greenline, and just came face to face with the months of inactivity and depression I have battled the past few months.  I was really uncomfortable on my bike, and I could hardly get my cadence to 80, even at the easiest gears.  But, it felt so good to be outside, and for that span of time, I felt hopeful.  I remembered why I loved all of the training I did- all of the solo bike miles that I actually love to put in. 

When I got home, I was happy.  And then sad. I went to the back yard and sat with the dogs and just cried for a bit.  Dave told me everything has been "the perfect storm" for me this time around.  It is the combination of the months of no exercise, the ensuing depression, the medicines that were prescribed that were inappropriate for me, and the rounds of dose pack steroids/prednisone-taken for the first time in my whole life- in over abundance this year, and the insidious weight gain that I have to face.  Fortunately, I am no longer working with the doctor of medical malpractice- that prescribed me inappropriate medication (thank goodness I was smart enough to say NO to some of it), tyrannical abuse of my psyche by telling me I didn't care about my health and making me cry in his office for an hour with only harsh, ugly words, and crazy, unacceptable and unsustainable diet of only certain vegetables for months at a time. 

So I cried it out a minute, and then I felt better and now I am watching swimming and making a grocery list :)  I am no stranger to sitting out, injury, etc.  My first MCL tear and major injury happened when I was just 15-years-old, so I am a pro at missed training, missed seasons, and starting from scratch.  Every injury I have ever had has seemed like the worst possible thing at the time.  Of course, this is no different!  When you are living it, it is hellish.  But, it will one day be in the past...with more successes and set-backs for the future to discover!

So, that is just a little glimpse into the struggle/recovery cycle of this all. 

So, glad to be out there.  Happy this December gave me a day in the 60s where I could get outside and feel my wheels beneath me.  I am glad things are starting to turn- especially in my attitude and desire to get out there again.