Listening

After writing my post yesterday, I realized there is so much noise in my head, that I wasn't listening.  The way to move forward was right in front of me, but I couldn't get past myself to see the way. 

Today I was driving to a 5k Walk for St Jude in memory of one of my best childhood friends, Michael McEachran...aka Mikey...aka Mac.  You have heard me mention him on this blog before.  He is one of my guardian angels, and one of the two friends (Mac and Chad) that I carry in my heart through my racing.  The morning was clear and quiet.  He started to talk to me, and I started to listen. 

Mac got cancer when we were in 2nd or 3rd grade?  I can't remember the exact moment he got it, but  I do remember that he had his arm amputated and started to lose his hair.  As time went on, he also had a total hip replacement...and later, surgery on his spine.  All before we finished 4th grade. 

Mac NEVER complained.  And I mean never.  He was the kindest spirit you could ever imagine.  This is not a distorted memory I have of him- everyone remembers him as the strongest angel in the world.  He just was.  I have met people over the past 25 years that knew Mac, and not a single person that knew him did not have their life altered in some way by his gentle soul.

And, he was an athlete.  He was an EXCELLENT athlete.  There is video of him as an 8 or 9-year-old hitting home runs and making game winning double plays from the outfield...all with only one arm. 

This morning he reminded me that he suffered set-backs as an athlete too.  He asked me if my injuries were really worth the drama, and could I find peace in the struggle and thankfulness for the gifts I have?  He told me he would help me find the patience to move forward.  He reminded me that he too, had shoulder problems (bigger problems than mine!), but it didn't stop him from playing sports. 

Me, Barrett, Gayle (Mac's mom), and Keith

After my talk with Mac, I joined Gayle, his mother, the Delta Dukes team, and my classmates from grade school Barret and Keith, for the walk for St. Jude.  We had such a great time reminiscing and telling stories about Mac.  Even though we lost Mac 25 years ago, he has never left us in spirit. 

Ah.  So with a renewal of spirit, I came home and thought about the struggle I feel right now.  I was able to break it down in manageable pieces.  This thing is, I wasn't focusing on the trees because I could only see the forest.  I was spending so much time worrying about variables out of my control.  With Mac on my mind and a peaceful heart, I was able to review the struggle and take the edge off of it.

1. The walking pneumonia is surely gone.  I sat out and took care of it.  Let it go. 

2.  The Epstein-Barr will probably hang around a bit more.  I am doing what I am supposed to do, which is rest.  There is nothing more to worry about, and I just need to let it run its course.  Let it go. 

and 3.  I will just focus on this one thing for now.  The brachial neuritis/parsonage turner syndrome is not resolving.  I have lost all function of the supraspinatus, infraspinatus, and deltoid muscle via an infection of the brachial plexus.  The nerve has been damaged.  Best case scenario suggests I can receive some return of function within a year.  What can I do about this?  How can I help?  I am not sure if I can.  I feel like I have zero control over this condition, but all I can do is try the following:
- No more complaining.  I will try anything and everything that doesn't include complaining.
- I have a PT visit scheduled
- I now have an acupuncture visit scheduled. 

One thing at a time.  It is like following the Dave Ramsey plan- pay off your smallest debts smallest to largest instead of trying to clean up everything at once!  It all seemed so simple once I opened my heart to listen to Mac today.  

Thank you again, Mac, for always being such a great friend and guardian angel.  My heart is open to listen, because I know you have more to teach me about being an athlete, and person, and a friend.