Words of Wisdom

Please excuse the ongoing writer's block.  I expect it to be gone by January, so bear with me!

This past weekend, Dave's Pop Pop had his 90th birthday.  He was a career naval intelligence officer and lifelong naval pilot.  He completed xxxxx number of missions over the course of several wars.  Pop Pop has probably kept so many military secrets over the years, it is scary.  He never tells us those stories, but every now and then we will get a fun story like the time he was bored one weekend and just took a plane off base without telling anyone and flew between all of the rims of the Grand Canyon.  Bet you couldn't pull that type of thing off these days!

We asked Pop Pop if he could impart one piece of advice to us all, what would it be?  What has he learned in his life that he would share with us?

Pop Pop is a very smart, determined, and precise man.  What I like about him is that he does not ever assume the attitude of "false positive."   By that, I mean a person that takes the positive approach to everything- to a point where it prevents an honest baring of the soul.  Positivity is a wonderful thing, but so is honesty. 

So, when Pop Pop said the following, I knew it was not a "oh, let me be as positive as I can be for everyone" type of statement.  It was a true nugget of wisdom from him.  He simply said,

You CAN do it!

Don't EVER give up!  

He really encouraged all of us to go for it and never give up on what we want to accomplish....and to never feel that we cannot do something, that something is too hard for us, that we are not smart enough, that we are not good enough. 

So, I will share those thoughts with you this week....the thoughts of a 90-year-old man who knows a thing or two!

IMAZ watching

I LOVE ironman.  I mostly love racing it, but I am excited to watch/read about it as well.

Yesterday, a really kind person and amazing Wattie Ink athlete, Gerry Forman, finished his first ironman at IMAZ in 15:17 to win his age group as a 74-year-old.  It gives me chill bumps to see something this amazing.  I was so excited to cheer him on all day long!

There were some other awesome finishes yesterday amongst my friends.....especially my camp friends!   Tim went 10:19, and I am still in awe.  That time to me represents some majorly, awesome hard work this year.   And, it gives me hope that I can get faster as well!  Nancy, Kevin, and Shelley also had 1st time ironman finishes.  I was so proud of my camp friends!!!!

There was a little bad luck out there today... Kris got taken out on the bike and ended her day with some stitches.  Anne-Marie had a string of bad luck with a flat tire and medical withdrawal after a long day battling out there.  You never know what the day is going to bring you, and that is what makes ironman so special and hard.  The age grouper does not get the chance to do these every weekend. 

I am very, very much looking forward to my next ironman.  I just love them!!!!!!

Listening

After writing my post yesterday, I realized there is so much noise in my head, that I wasn't listening.  The way to move forward was right in front of me, but I couldn't get past myself to see the way. 

Today I was driving to a 5k Walk for St Jude in memory of one of my best childhood friends, Michael McEachran...aka Mikey...aka Mac.  You have heard me mention him on this blog before.  He is one of my guardian angels, and one of the two friends (Mac and Chad) that I carry in my heart through my racing.  The morning was clear and quiet.  He started to talk to me, and I started to listen. 

Mac got cancer when we were in 2nd or 3rd grade?  I can't remember the exact moment he got it, but  I do remember that he had his arm amputated and started to lose his hair.  As time went on, he also had a total hip replacement...and later, surgery on his spine.  All before we finished 4th grade. 

Mac NEVER complained.  And I mean never.  He was the kindest spirit you could ever imagine.  This is not a distorted memory I have of him- everyone remembers him as the strongest angel in the world.  He just was.  I have met people over the past 25 years that knew Mac, and not a single person that knew him did not have their life altered in some way by his gentle soul.

And, he was an athlete.  He was an EXCELLENT athlete.  There is video of him as an 8 or 9-year-old hitting home runs and making game winning double plays from the outfield...all with only one arm. 

This morning he reminded me that he suffered set-backs as an athlete too.  He asked me if my injuries were really worth the drama, and could I find peace in the struggle and thankfulness for the gifts I have?  He told me he would help me find the patience to move forward.  He reminded me that he too, had shoulder problems (bigger problems than mine!), but it didn't stop him from playing sports. 

Me, Barrett, Gayle (Mac's mom), and Keith

After my talk with Mac, I joined Gayle, his mother, the Delta Dukes team, and my classmates from grade school Barret and Keith, for the walk for St. Jude.  We had such a great time reminiscing and telling stories about Mac.  Even though we lost Mac 25 years ago, he has never left us in spirit. 

Ah.  So with a renewal of spirit, I came home and thought about the struggle I feel right now.  I was able to break it down in manageable pieces.  This thing is, I wasn't focusing on the trees because I could only see the forest.  I was spending so much time worrying about variables out of my control.  With Mac on my mind and a peaceful heart, I was able to review the struggle and take the edge off of it.

1. The walking pneumonia is surely gone.  I sat out and took care of it.  Let it go. 

2.  The Epstein-Barr will probably hang around a bit more.  I am doing what I am supposed to do, which is rest.  There is nothing more to worry about, and I just need to let it run its course.  Let it go. 

and 3.  I will just focus on this one thing for now.  The brachial neuritis/parsonage turner syndrome is not resolving.  I have lost all function of the supraspinatus, infraspinatus, and deltoid muscle via an infection of the brachial plexus.  The nerve has been damaged.  Best case scenario suggests I can receive some return of function within a year.  What can I do about this?  How can I help?  I am not sure if I can.  I feel like I have zero control over this condition, but all I can do is try the following:
- No more complaining.  I will try anything and everything that doesn't include complaining.
- I have a PT visit scheduled
- I now have an acupuncture visit scheduled. 

One thing at a time.  It is like following the Dave Ramsey plan- pay off your smallest debts smallest to largest instead of trying to clean up everything at once!  It all seemed so simple once I opened my heart to listen to Mac today.  

Thank you again, Mac, for always being such a great friend and guardian angel.  My heart is open to listen, because I know you have more to teach me about being an athlete, and person, and a friend.

Static

As in not moving.  Or as in the static on TV when nothing is on.  That is me!  I am so static right now, I am finding it hard to blog.
   
I have not made any progress in the exercise/training world.  That is what is tough for me right now.  There is just absolutely zero progress in strength, energy, ability to get moving.

 It is so hard to explain what is holding me back.  In honesty, I can't quite figure it out myself.  In my 28? years of being an athlete, I have just never experienced such a profound weakness.  Nothing has prepared me for this.  No surgery or injury or time on the bench had me mentally prepared to face something and feel so hopeless.


This list of challenges is so long right now, it is overwhelming and pretty hard to face.  I was trying to explain to a friend the other day why I am facing this huge, profound loss of fitness, but I realized as I was rattling off everything from the Parsonage Turner Syndrome to walking pneumonia to Epstein Barr, that I just sounded crazy!  If it sounds crazy to me, I know it sounds crazy to everyone else.

So, right now I am stuck with just being able to do some minor exercise- maybe a 30 minute jog here and there on days I feel good.  I thought I would be further along than that, but I am not.  I have a really significant loss of core strength, along with a 10 pound weight gain, so I have been trying to go to Pure Barre to work on getting all of my muscle groups engaged again.   I could care less about the weight gain, per se.  I was heavier than this in college and strong and fit.  The frustration is that the muscle is just going bye, bye, bye....

It has been extremely hard going to the classes and not being able to do 1 push up, or lift a 1 pound weight over my head from the shoulder injury.  The nerve has not regenerated, and I have absolutely no muscle function in my rotator cuff or deltoid.  It is pretty insane.  If you were to see me in this class, you would never believe that I did an ironman in May.  You would think I was just an out of shape girl, looking to lose a little weight and tone up.   

So, I came home the other night and was telling Dave how I can't even lift a single weight in class, perform a plank, do a push-up, etc.....  It was just so overwhelming to me, because no matter how many classes I attend, it doesn't get better.  I can't strengthen a muscle group that doesn't work.   I also just cannot find the energy that isn't there.  It is as if my body is completely asleep.  I am just at the hugest loss.  Dave has been amazingly supportive, and he texted me this message the following day while I was at work to lift me up:

"The thing is you know that you have the capability to attain that type of fitness.  Most don't possess that drive.  This is just a rough time in your life with health issues.  You have to remember that you and I know that you are still and will always be that person.  I love you."

And when I read that text I just feel so grateful that I married such an awesome guy and friend.  He has been absolutely key in trying to help erase the static in my life right now.  Last night when I got home from work, I was just so tired (from what?  I have never felt tired like this) and ready to do nothing.  I just don't have even a fraction of the energy that I normally have.  Dave gave me a workout...."you have to go jog 45 minutes.  I don't care how slow you go."  I was so overwhelmed....45 minutes?  Normally that would be NOTHING!  But now, it is overwhelming. 

But, I got out there and ran 10+ minute miles and didn't come back home until 45 minutes had passed.  And I was fine.  It was just hard to get out of the door. 

So, there is simply just a lot of static in my life right now.  I am trying to move through it in a positive way.  I am listening to positive speakers and reading good quotes to encourage patience.  I am going to physical therapy after Thanksgiving with a PT that works with baseball players to see if we can get anything to respond in my shoulder.  I am trying to do a little something every day, even if it is just 30 minutes of very low intensity movement.  I am accepting the fact that with injury sometimes comes depression, and weight gain is common with depression, huge loss of exercise, and dose-pack steroid type medicines that I took this year.  So, I just have to let it go and give my body a chance to rebound.  I am going to keep going to the Pure Barre classes to get my core and hips to wake-up and start participating.

Everyone has told me that I can expect at least 6 months of EBV.  So, I am really looking forward to January!

So, that is all that is going on in my static world.  I haven't give up, I just haven't moved forward.  I am still looking for my big break, and I know it will be coming around the corner eventually.  In the meantime, I just have to keep myself in check and make sure I am not letting negativity and hopelessness prevail.  

“You can start to change your luck today. Begin believing that you can have what you desire and superior things will arrive.”
― Steve Backley, The Champion in all of Us: 12 Rules for Success

“Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough”
― Oprah Winfrey 

More play...

I so badly want to write of killer bike rides and long runs.  Hopefully by January this blog will take a turn back to the training side of things.  For now, I have to find contentment in more family, more friends, and less sport.  It is a hard adjustment, but I am getting to have some nice social weekends along the way.

My super cute nephew, Nathaniel had his 1st birthday on Saturday.  My sis did a great job hosting a fun party for family and friends.  She even made home-made cupcakes....  she unfortunately sent home a full container with me, which is not so full anymore..... dern her!  Sister sabotage!!!!

I woke up early this morning for a double shot of volunteering/cheering at the Overton Park 10k and the Outdoors Inc Cylocross race.  A friend recently complimented me for not sitting around with my thumb stuck up my butt while I have been sick.  In reality, my thumb is completely stuck up my butt!  But, the more I am around my friends, the more I don't sweat the small stuff.  Volunteering, friends, cheering... it makes the time pass in a more positive way. 

There is so much you can do locally to show support for friends and teams.  Even when I am not racing with Los Locos or running with Memphis Runners, it is still great to get out there and just support those that are racing and lend a hand when needed.  The support always comes back to me x 10 when I seem to need it most.

On a side note, I want to share with you this great podcast discovery I had this weekend by Jen Harrison and Elizabeth Fedofsky.  There are only 3 coaches that I ever consider consulting with on triathlon, and Jen is one of them.  I consider her one of my biggest mentors.  She was my very first triathlon coach in 2008 when I wanted a coach to help me finish my first ironman, and I have to say, I was EXTREMELY lucky to have her first.  I base all of my coaches off of her, and if they don't meet the standard, I can't work with them.  This says a lot about the way I feel about Jen. 

If is funny how my perception of coaching has changed since 2008.  Initially, I thought getting a coach was to help me with an event.  But, through the fun years, surgery, good performances, break-through, and peaks....followed by valleys, I learned that a coach can be oh-so much more than just somehow to help you finish x, y, or z.  I didn't realize I would want a coach for more than just to help with a race.  I now can't imagine having my big goals and NOT having a coach to help me get there.  It is a long term process....not just a one-shot deal.

Anyways...I still go to Jen as one of my mentors, and I trust her opinion greatly.  I am so excited she has started a podcast.  It will be such a great tool for everyone.  So, check out the first installment!!!!

More Of The Same

My life is rolling along, but I have so little to blog about on the training front.  I am getting in some exercise about 5 days a week.  My runs are mostly capped off at 30 minutes, simply because that seems like a good, round, easy number.  I ran 60 minutes on Sunday and felt fine, but I am trying to err on the side of short and sweet right now.  Running feels the easiest for me right now.  I have been running my entire life, and I can get out there and go without having to generate much power.  Cycling and swimming have been much harder on me.  I thought it would be opposite and that I would jump back to these two first.  But, what I have discovered is that they require some sort of power to perform...in a way that running doesn't require for me.  So, a 30 minute spin is much harder than a 30 minute run.  And a 30 minute swim puts me out for the day.  So, loss of muscle has really affected the bike and swim more so than the run.

I am hesitant to plan anything, as I feel that until I feel great, I should just take it day by day.  But, I am thinking that I will follow something like this if everything keeps moving along:

November:  I have noticed that sitting out several months has not only robbed me of a ton of visible muscle, it has also weakened a bunch of smaller, less-visible muscle groups such as hip abductors and internal core muscles.  I decided that before I start training and end up with an injury from muscle imbalance, I am going to do Pure Barre for a month.  (I am not yet ready to lift heavy weights, so high rep, small movement is great for me right now).  That is not my normal scene, and I am super uncomfortable in the class and stick out like a sore thumb around the well-put-together, East Memphis moms.  However, my hips and abs are thanking me for addressing their weakness. 

December:  I am looking to do the 30 runs/30 days.  This seems doable, based on the ease of running right now.  Little bouts of small, easy runs to bring back some consistency to my days.

January:  Maybe the same, but with swimming....

I am lucky to have lots of motivating people surrounding me in triathlon.  From Wattie Ink to my local crew, Los Locos....there is no shortage of great athletes.  And now, Los Locos can boast that we have World Champion on the team:  Lucia Colbert, AG World Champ at Xterra.  If she can bounce back from a year of virus to a World Championship, what is my excuse?  :))))

More!

My energy is returning in leaps and bounds. I am being really cautious with my "training" and trying to keep everything on the lower and easier end of things. This is easy to do when I remind myself that I don't have any races for many months!

 

I took the husband and the dogs to the trails today for a 1 hour "jog/hike."  Out of the 4 of us, I am the fattest and most out of shape.  Yet somehow, I was the only one that felt like running!  15 minutes in and my crew needed to walk.  So, we hiked, talked, peed on things...all of the things you do on trails. 

 

I was so excited to see that I was ready to run and wanted to run!  I could have run the whole time ~ and that was good to know.  I am telling you, though....there is nothing better than hitting the trails with the dogs.  There is something so natural and wonderful about it. 

And look at me!  Twice in a day?  I haven't seen two workouts in a day since July!!!!  I flopped around in the pool today with my awesome swimming friend Jen (as in she laps me on everything awesome college swimmer).  But, listen to this.  All of a sudden, my stroke count went from 24+ the other day to 19-21 today.  Everything felt easier, times were faster...it was crazy?  Jen kept me on track with an easy swim- we kept it short and sweet with no intervals and no speed.  Just getting in and getting used to swimming again.

So, easy does it.  Energy is good, and I am making sure I don't sabotage it! 

Happy home with the dogs and kitty.  I think they love their mommy :))))))))))

Slowy But Surely

The Steelers game was almost exactly how I envisioned it would be.  I had guessed it would be cold, and only the hardy would survive...and I was right!  I had a great time psychoanalyzing Steelers fans (and Northerns in general), watching RG3 play, and listening to the guy next to me flirt with Kari the whole time, while his dip drooled from his mouth.  I would like to say that Kari and I are triathlon friends, but I think we are more like football frienemies that just happen to do triathlons.  I don't think I have another girlfriend that would sit in that weather and just truly watch the whole game.  Good stuff:)

I am back to "exercising."  Once I turned a corner...about 2 weeks ago, I was able to just start moving again.  I was told it might take around 6 weeks to feel better from the walking pneumonia, and sure enough, it seemed to be right around that time I just felt a ton better.

After almost 2 months of ZERO exercise, my butt is sagging and I have lost all muscle.   I am also 10 pounds heavier now than I was at this time last year.  At only 5'4", I have no where to hide it.  Lord knows it never goes to my boobs. 

The first week back I did 3 total hours of "exercise.  The next week 4, and you got it...moving on to 5.  Easy does it.  I feel quite a bit like I did after knee surgery.  The loss of muscle just really makes things harder than they should be.  My knees even feel achy, and I know it is because I do not have the muscle in my legs to attenuate the force and impact.  I think I did a really great job of rehab and training post surgery, so I am following some of my same guidelines with this.  I am looking at 10+ min/miles right now, but I am not discouraged.  I have never been too proud to run that slow.  I am just glad to be there.

The bike has been much of the same.  Pace is slow, watts are low.  But, I am on it and feeling fine, so that is on the up. 

The swim has been a whole different animal.  For what it is worth, I guess I haven't been truly swimming since I hurt my shoulder in March.  Boy was I in for a rude awakening when I felt ready to hit the pool again!  1:50 became the new 1:30 T- pace for me.  I kid you not!  For the past 2 weeks, I have just been starting from scratch with pace and distance.  1000 yards was really hard for me initially.  A 1:45/100yd felt all-out, and it took me 24 strokes to get across 25 yards!

But, I am just getting in there when I can and building one little piece at a time.  I think back to the 100x100 I did in March at approx 1:30-1:35 pace for all of them.  It took me years to get there.  Years and yards and work.  From not being able to swim across the pool, to swimming 10,000 yards.  I did it once, and I can do it again. 

So, everything feels like it is moving in the right direction.  I won't feel confident in dispensing advice on handling immunity/infection issues until you see me on the start line of a race, but I will let you know what I have done up until now that seems to be working:

1.  I did no exercise as prescribed (that means NOTHING...not even lifting weights).  I took more time off in the past 2 months than I have taken in the last 4 years combined. 
2.  I really worked hard on my nutrition during that time to give my body a fighting chance at healing itself.  Lots of vegetables.  No dairy, no sugar, no wheat/gluten....nothing that might be affecting my gut.  I have even cut back on alcohol.  (insert tear drop)
3.  I added probiotics to my diet.  I have no clue if they are helping me, but it sounded like a good thing to do. 
4.  I read up on Epstein Barr and mycoplasma pneumonia A LOT.  Here are some interesting links: 
- Huge forum where you can find lots of EBV information. 
- Cycling article on EBV (near bottom) with some good information. Here is another good one. 
5.  I reached out to a professional triathlete that has had EBV.  I listened and learned.  
6.  I have had a huge problem with insomnia since this all came on.  Apparently, this is pretty common with these infections.  So, I don't beat myself up with I stay up late, sleep late, or take naps.  Whatever brings me rest is cool.  And, wouldn't you know, as I have felt better, I have started to sleep at night as well.
7.  I am coming back slowly.  You won't catch me with the boys on my bike or see me at any workouts for many more months.  No one day feels as good as an entire season of healthy, fast racing will!

The main message I have learned is this:  having a poor immune system and susceptibility to viral and bacterial infections does not come from "over-training" as so many people suggest.  If it did, all ironmen would have EBV, because we all exercise beyond what is prescribed as normal, healthy limits.  However the majority of people that have EBV are non-athletes and severe "under-exercisers."  Exercise is only one of three components to some major immune-related disorders.  Immune health is comprised of nutrition (probably most important), exercise, and rest/relaxation.  For triathletes, it is easy to see how we can be so wrong in at least 1, if not all 3 areas! 

So, that is all I have for now. 

And, since I didn't have any kids to dress up for Halloween, I will share with you some of my favorite Halloween pics of my sister and me. 

Happy Belated Halloween....and happy All Saints Day!