Home and Recovering :)

Damie and Cayenne- done with surgeries and on to snuggling and recovery!

Cayenne and I are going to be snuggling, recovery buddies this weekend. This past Wednesday, she had surgery on her back foot and had part of one toe removed. When we found her, almost exactly one year ago, she had trauma to one foot and limped quite a bit. The nail in one toe never grew back correctly from the damage and some weird, corny thing come back in the nail's place and started growing through the pad on her toe. Ouch! So we have been calling her our 3-legged devil for the past year! :) We thought the foot might heal on it's own with time or the pain would reside, but day after day we watched her limp in pain. We finally decided to get that part of her toe removed and help her gain some functional mobility (I write TOO many PT evals).

Anyhoo- Cayenne is doing great and snuggling with me and Roo right now. :)



The funny thing is, I planned Cayenne's surgery around mine, because I figured we could take care of each other :) I am home now with an arsenal of movies, the laptop, and The Historian as my book for the weekend. I am not going to lie, I was a little scared going in to surgery. I didn't make some of the surgery decisions until the minute before they wheeled me into the room, but I just prayed to God to give me the correct answer.

I was supposed to call the doctor tonight and talk to him about what he saw and what procedures he did to my knee. I was so nauseous for the first few hours, though, that I wasn't in any frame of mind to talk- so I will call tomorrow and get the low-down. The hard part post surgery has really been the throwing up, but now that I am over that I feel fine. Of course the knee hurts, but the pain meds are doing their job. :)

Cayenne, Roo, and I are going to live on the pull-out couch for the weekend and do all of the fine couch potato stuff possible! Happy weekend to everyone- and with my newly acquired free time I will do some catching up on my blog reading too!

Stages Of Grief?

I flipped through my Triathlon Life magazine today and looked for anything remotely interesting. Maggi Finley's name was in there with her nice Nationals performance, so that was fun. Otherwise I find the magazine a little boring. I did come across an article about the stages of grief during an injury and I decided to get in tune with my inner Kubler-Ross and anazlyze myself.

1. Denial- nope. Don't remember being in denial. I remember feeling really injured. Oh wait, I did try to race at the end of May. Maybe I was in denial about how serious it was really turning out to be. Maybe I was in denial about how long it would take me to recover from my injury. I remember swimming 20,000 yards one week to stay in shape so I could jump right back into racing. You won't catch me swimming that much now! I know better!

2. Anger- All of those dern treadmill tempo runs at 5am (twice as bad) down the tube. Oh, and those killer Peddler rides that forced me to learn to hurt? All for naught. I guess I was a little mad to work so hard on my fitness and never get a chance to use it.

3. Bargaining- I know I for sure did this one. "I will just do a little sprint, and I promise to walk if it hurts." That was my favorite bargaining tool.

4. Depression- oh, that must be referring to the two months I just stopped doing everything besides eating cheesecake. I stopped going to swim class, stopped going to yoga, and just stopped caring. I mean, really, what is the point in trying to stay in shape when you are clearly so out of shape?

5. Acceptance- finally, I have made it to the last stage and I am moving on.

I knew that degree in psychology would come in handy some day! Har har har- seriously, I am really happy to be moving forward with this. Plus, I get to miss two days of work, so that is more of a thrill than anything else. Whatever happened to fall break?

Scheduled!

The long awaited surgery has been scheduled.  This Friday we will fix everything.  

Just kidding-  but if only that were true.  What do you mean you can't make my knees feel like they did when I was 16?  Oh, maybe not 16, I was sitting on the bench with a torn MCL.  How about a 10 year-old's knees?  Yes, I have been dealing with right knee injuries for a longgggg time.  My dad made me feel a lot better about my decision to have surgery when he reminded me of all of the injuries I have had to the right knee since high school.   

This Friday we will attempt to take care of a few small things.  I am actually going to have two small surgeries.  (Dave calls them procedures and didn't even bother taking off of work, but I think anytime they put you to sleep and make you sign a waiver saying you could die, that counts as surgery.  Okay, so maybe I am milking it a bit, but I would like to babied a little :)  

If you want to know-First we are going to do a posterior incision in the back of the knee joint/hamstrings in order to get the cyst.  It is embedded in my hamstrings somewhat and we can't get it through a scope.  Then we are going to do a scope and look for meniscus damage as we are pretty sure there is a medial tear somewhere- and fix it.  We area also going to remove some bone spurs that are pretty significant and hitting the femur.  

The only other possibility is a limited lateral release.  The doc says yes, and I say I don't know.  So, we will decide on Friday- although I am still leaning towards no.  There would have to be something really, really convincing to make me change my mind.

We aren't touching the femur.  I know, I know- the biggest elephant in the room and I am just ignoring it for now.  No need to go crazy on my knee, you know?  The doc made some suggestions, but none sound good to me so I can be patient and wait for the right thing.  

So, that is that!  I have actually felt a lot of relief with the decision.  I don't know what the outcome will be, but it feels good to move forward.  

In all honesty, Dave feels really bad now because we found out someone has to be with me through the entire surgery, and he can't be there.  (Don't worry, papa is a worthy replacement).  And then, Dave found out he has to work the entire weekend and can't baby me at all!  So, if you are in the mood to coddle a pitiful 31-year-old, please feel free to stop by over the weekend and don't forget the cheesecake.  

When Dave Is Not Home...

Shhhh!!!!  Don't tell.  

I cook.  (sometimes)  I NEVER let him know that I can cook even a smidge.  But, since he is not here to cook me MY dinner, I guess I will just have to fend for myself.  Scallops and asparagus- yum yum! 

(disclaimer to gourmet chefs- don't judge.  It is a BIG deal for me to cook anything that doesn't require a microwave or come in a package!)

Then I give the dogs toys that Dave will never give them because they are too messy.  I let them tear the toys up and I don't clean it up for hours.  We walk around the house singing- "if you don't want to party then you should go homeeee..."  and "Roonylicious".    

And then we start to get a little bored with ourselves...  We play on the computer, read up on Kickette (of course) and wait for Dave to get home.  

Snuggies

For your enjoyment, a picture of me making a fool out of myself.  That is me in the blue dress-groping my sister's husband of 10 whole minutes.  

There is simply no point to this post than to say I LOVE MY FRIENDS.  Joy and Laura left me recently to go to Hawaii.  I missed them tremendously, but now they are back so I can stalk them by calling 5 times within a 3 minute period...wondering- why haven't they called me back- I NEED YOU? They are my comfort blankies- my snuggies.  That is my new term for good friends- snuggies.  I will title this post snuggies.  I cried 3 x tonight- all for random reasons including the realization that Rooney will not be with me for my whole life (what a sucky realization) and some other randomness that just makes up my life.   My snuggies were there for me in all of my craziness tonight- thank you Joy and La! 

A day in the life-

1.  I show up to master's swim and am forced to do butterfly in front of high school swimmers and an Olympian from the past Olympics.  Thanks for that one.  Embarrassed yet?

2.  Speak your mind at work only to have crazy, intimidated females lash out at you and kiss up to the boss even though they 100% agree with what you have just said but will never have the balls to say what they mean.  (using honey, not vinegar- as I have been to do in the south- ughhhh!!!!!)

3.  Plan on riding trainer only to have father come over and invite to dinner for wine, fish, and chips.  Burn calories or consume calories?  How can you turn down your dad?

4.  Cry three times in one day- and feel completely better.  Wonder if you are pregnant, then figure out it is PMS.  Drink 2 glasses of wine and call it a night.  

I think I need a girl's night out. Any takers? We could all wear snuggies???

Review, Results, Renew

Do we look tired? Hee hee!

The current state of affairs-

In review, I have a big lesion on my lateral femoral condyle. It occurred in 2005, and I have clawed my way back to fitness, health, and fun athletics after being told I would only be able to work out a couple of days a week for health. It was not a running injury- at the time, I was a soccer player! Running more than 4 miles was a BIG day for me. I didn't even race in 5ks! I am lucky to have since done a dozen half marathons, 4 marathons, 2 half IMs, and 1 Ironman.

And then there was that race in March- the immediate pain- the inability to walk. I knew something was very wrong. I had many people tell me I just needed to take time off from running- that is was patella femoral pain. I knew better. My miles were so low- I had been so healthy. I knew it was my femur, and sho 'nuff...

This past Wednesday I finally had the consultation about my knee with two different doctors that are working together with me. (I have seen 4 in the past half year). We were hopeful that at best, I could have some tissue release on the lateral side to alleviate any extra stress on the femur. At worst, there is an experimental surgical procedure for a new type of cartilage implantation- and the doctor was excited that I may be a candidate.

Unfortunately, I am a candidate for nothing. The bone/cartilage doctor said this is the end of the line- surgical procedures will fail because my bone is too damaged. He cannot microfracture, cartilage implant, drill, replace, etc... And since this is not a patella tracking issue, a tissue release will not fix the problem. I got the same sad line handed to me in 2009 that I had in 2005- I will not be a runner/soccer player again. The doctor sounded so sad- sad for me. He said he has never seen a knee on a 31-year-old look like mine. The cartilage damage is astounding.

The other doctor had a more hopeful prognosis- given that he is a cyclist and knows how important sports are to me. He thinks we should scope the knee regardless and remove any damage and osteophytes that may be contributors to pain that we can safely touch, drain the 10cm cyst in my knee, and check for any meniscus damage we can't find on the MRI. After 7 months of rest, failed healing attemps that included PT, crazy hot yoga, too many walks, and too many cheesecake sessions- I understand that rest is not the solution anymore. Rest will not heal my bone- it will not heal. We have to approach this differently. I may have some big changes to make in my future with training and racing, but I am not giving up. I am "only" 31 years old, and like the doc said..."if it were my knee..."

I feel more positive now than I did 4 months ago. I am still not running, but I did get clearance to ride my bike. I am going to make some surgery decisions so I can start the healing process. I will have to change my tune towards running in the future, but I think I can work through that and still enjoy the sport. And, I am going to get back into a coaching relationship- I thought this whole time I did not need a coach because I can't do anything while I am injured. Now I realize the opposite. I need a coach to help me move forward with this injury. The cheesecake sure ain't helping. Don't believe me about the cheesecake? If you look up at the pic above, you will see my plate on the table- the remnants of cheesecake. Yes indeed.

Although I am not running now, I did get cleared to ride my bike. I also just got a hand-me-down mtn. bike from a friend and will be going on my first mtn. bike ride today. Dave does not think I should go alone and thinks me and a mtn. bike are a bad combination. Since he is at work, I am sneaking off....

Happy/Mad

Happy :)

My little sister Rebekah got married this weekend to a great guy Jon.  Our family flew out to Vegas and partied with Elvis in celebration of the big event.  

Bekah and Jon making sure their music is in order for the ceremony.  

Damie and Bekah- PRUNE.  I think I am getting the hang of it...just a little more practice....

Damie and Dave at the cermony.  

Mad:(

I am angry- no ANGRY- about my knee. I can't get doctors to call me back- I can't get a straight answer. 

It is crazy because I keep trying to write this post, and all of this angry stuff just keeps coming out and I can't even get it straight.  

I just wrote a huge paragraph- and rewrote it- and rewrote it.  Just forget it.  What I really need is for some good prayers that this is figured out.  This is very important to me and I have worked really hard to heal this knee.  I need less criticism from people that don't even know what is going on with my knee (okay, it is really just one person that is upsetting me) and more positive energy from friends (that would be all of you guys).  

xxxxoooo happy week to all.  

Congratulations to my friends in Kona.  

  

A Typical Random Post

This weekend is my sis's wedding in Vegas.  Of course I will post some pics for all to see! :)  

Knee news- well, there is the S word hanging in the air.  The doc was supposed to call me back today, and since he will be out of town till next week, I am guessing that won't happen.  At this point, we know that the bone and cartilage are damaged beyond typical repair.  I am not a candidate for microfracture since the lesion is too big.  So, really no news until we talk more.  If there is one iota of a chance that there is a holistic solution, I will take it.  

Anytime I hear Canned Heat I think of Center Stage- NOT Napoleon Dynamite.  

Work is good- and tough.  I am happy to have a job and remind myself every day to not take it for granted.  There are times I wish my boss would show me some more appreciation and come to work in a good mood instead of unleashing negative energy on her employees, but I am trying to keep my focus on my development- not the surroundings out of my control.  I am also working to always raise the bar on my empathy, tolerance, and patience.  

I asked my sister to do my eyebrows (they look like caterpillars- so bad!).  She does not have time, so I guess I will have bad eyebrows for the wedding. 

My house is a wreck.  One day I may have a house that is presentable when guests stop by.  I bet if we had a bloggers' dirty house contest I would win.  I now know why my house is horrible- I stayed up to clean and I am writing on my blog.  It seems I always find something else to do.  

I love that my dogs know when it is bedtime.  They are asleep right now- yup- by 9:00 it is night-night time.  They are probably wondering why I am still up.  (they know me too well and know I never planned to clean)

Okay- time for bed.  I am have 3 books waiting for me:  Riding the Bus With My Sister (last month's book club book I never finished), The Help (next month's bookclub book that I am determined to read before the actual bookclub meeting), and Running To the Top by Lydiard (that I purchased before the good Chuckie V post- although I was pleased with myself to find that I had a good handful of his recommended books already dog-eared from many good reads).  

I am not sure why I am reading running books when I can't run.  The power of positive thinking, I guess.  

Love It

Here are some funny pics a friend just sent me from back in the day in my New Orleans soccer life.  (seems like decades ago....)
Check out my long hair!  And my oversized soccer jersey (weird, but I don't even remember that jersey.  I am losing more memory every day)!  I think we were at Cooter Browns watching a soccer game on TV.  

And Dave...how young!  Too cute!

Anyhoo- heading to the doc again tomorrow to make some decisions regarding surgery.  I am a happy and nervous, if there can be such a combination.  Will post more when it gets figured out.