Acceptance Brings Contentment

I found a great article on acceptance when I was in New Orleans that I tore out of a newspaper and stuck in my purse. I am sharing some of it below if you are interested :)

The weekend has been busy and successful: 2 bike rides, make that 3 since Bek and I rode together today, shrimp mosca dinner with Bek and Jon, a great 4,000 yd swim, a new microchip for Cayenne, dog park time for the two puppies, new plants for the front flowerbed (Dave forced me to garden-shop with him), and paid bills. I am going to do my strength training here in minute, so that will get checked off of the list too. I make much headway in the job search department, so I will pursue that with gusto this week.

I also got robbed by 2 kids selling lemonade today. Bekah and I were riding around a very affluent neighborhood and we noticed a lemonade stand. When we had one loop left to go, we decided to check my bike bag to see if there was 50 cents somewhere in there. If not, we would go home, get some change, and buy some lemonade from the cute little girls. I found 50 cents, and we gave it to the girls and told them we would be back in a minute to take the lemonade with us. We literally finished the loop 5 minutes later and were heading back home - and lo and behold, no lemonade stand. We were totally ripped off. The kids pocketed our money and closed up for the day- and walked into their 500,000$ house. Seriously. They go to St Mary's, so that should have told us something. Bek and I are IC chicks. ha ha!!!!

Okay, the article:

When we calmly observe and investigate the causes of things and the fact that nothing happens by accident, the truth reveals itself. Cultivating patience and acceptance provides mental clarity and spaciousness that allows us to examine input before unthinkingly reacting in a way that may escalate the problem.

In taking a sacred pause, we dramatically increase the chances of making better choices and undertaking wiser actions. We simply have to remember to breathe once and relax, enjoying a moment of mindfulness and reflection before responding.

Sometimes we may not know what to do. That is a good time to do nothing. Too often, compulsive overdoing creates unnecessary complications. In humble listening to a higher power, the way to go forward comes. Lama Surya Das

Have a great week.

This is me at the end of the week. Whew! I just walked into the house, sat on the floor, and got some first class lovin' from Rooney and Cayenne. We just sat here for a while and chilled.

I went to a yoga class last night and had this amazing revelation that I don't think I can put into words. It was something about how life really is about the relationships, interactions, or brief moments I have with people. It was just one of those moments where stress leaves the body and you appreciate the moment. I also had a better appreciation for myself and my desire to have a full life experience. (Sometimes I get some criticism for not focusing solely on work or school, doing too many sports, not living like a mature 31-year-old should, and just doing too much period. Last night, though, I was able to let this all go and be okay with being me and living the life that I want to live).

I am heading out the door on a 3 hour bike ride. This feels so IM trainingish as I have no one to ride with. Everyone is out of town or doing an organized ride (30$ I didn't want to spend). Sometime this weekend I need to do another swim, another ride, and some weights- add in microchipping for Caya, shimp mosca dinner with Bek and Jon, pay bills, make our brand new budget (and pull my hair out), resume work and job search, and ride with Bek. So far I think that is all I have planned for the weekend. Ha ha!

Happy Belated Birthday to Jan. xxxxxooooooo

Lunch Time- Maximizing

NOLA Bachelorette Party For Christy :) We had a blast at French Quater Fest! (I will spare you all from the late night pictures :)

There is not too much I can accomplish during lunch time. I used to run or workout sometimes, but I can't run, and the gym is not near me. When it was Twilight time, I read every lunch- but I don't have a good book right now. However, I found an awesome way to spend my lunch now....at the nearby library either reading or catching up on computer time! I am not a member of this library, so I didn't really ever consider using it until today, and it seems that strangers are welcome...awesome! :)

So- now that I have a moment, I can give some real updates.

I have had so many questions about my knee, so here is the low down. The old OCD injury (2005) to my lateral femoral condyle has returned. In the simplest terms, the cartilage at the end and on the front of my femur is cracked like a dropped boiled egg. With this injury comes a lot of bone brusing and edema. This is a serious injury because if the cartilage comes off, I am left with a "hole" in my bone, per se. There are surgical procedures they can do, but it is not a guaranteed repair.

Now, in 2005, the injury was traumatic from soccer, not overuse. The way we proceeded in healing it last time was 3 months non-weight bearing on crutches followed by 8 more months of no impact exercise. In MRI comparison, it took from April of 2005 to October of 2005 to see healing results. I wish it were as simple as a fractured bone, but it isn't.

This time around, the injury was probably re-aggravated by over use. Too many marathons- going to track practice when it didn't feel good just to prove I was tough- running through pain- riding a bike without a good fit- returning to soccer and playing when it didn't feel good-who really knows-... So, right now I have not run in 38 days (or something like that). So, I (or we if I can ever get back to a doctor) will need to decide if I can make progress with healing while biking, walking, eliptical, or if I need to cut everything out. There is just not a quick fix to this and I have dealt with it before. The other problem is that I have some other stuff going on with the knee like the bone spurs, Baker's cysts, and mal-tracking patella that may be contributing to the medial pain.

So, no quick fix. Lots of convolusion. Nothing to do but stay positive and keep moving as much as I can. (because these 5 extra pounds may soon be 10 if I am not careful) :) - Charlie, I have been going to Quince Y for yoga. I am doing the Peddler rides as much as possible in the morning and trying to ride longer on other days. I am swimming several times a week. Just the basic stuff. I am also trying to do new things- Muscleworks class, eliptical, etc...just new stuff so I am strengthening my body in other ways and not just doing the same 3 (or 2 :) sports.

So- I am going to be smart and have some patience. That is what I tell myself every day. Okay, lunch time is up- back to work!

Minutes

I have no time these days to write a good blog post.  It is 8:57- which gives me 3 minutes until my pre-determined bed time tonight.  I have been exhausted since my New Orleans trip, and I need one night of full sleep to try to get back on track.  

I am 3.3 weeks away from graduating from PT school.  I couldn't be happier to graduate, although some days I think I would be better at training tigers.  I have struggled some (a lot) with my current clinical rotation, and I can only hope that the right path for me will be revealed.  

It is 8:59 now...one minute to go.  

It has been 36 days since I last ran.  (not counting my cheat day).  I have so much to write about with the knee, but not in one minute.  I finally gave in to reality and withdrew from Memphis In May.  Let me just say, if you haven't already figured it out, I am not myself when I cannot run.  I am not happy and I am not me.  May the running return before I lose my mind.  

So, the new schedule is biking, swimming, weights, yoga, and eliptical.  For now.  I hardly train with anyone because my schedule is so weird, but that is probably just fine right now.    

Okay, time is up.  I am going to bed!  :)

NOLA Time

Made it to New Orleans about 15 minutes ago- that would be midnight.  The drive to New Orleans from Memphis takes about 6 hours.  Not so bad, but if you are driving the Pop Pop mobile- the Grand Marquis- it seems a wee bit longer.  Why?  No working tape deck.  Of course no CD player or satellite radio.  Driving through Mississippi can be a little tough since there are only 3 radio stations for a while.  I tried to pester friends into cell-phone-talking to me to help the time fly, but everyone was out or in bed.  Some how I managed to day dream my way through Mississippi with no accidents and here I am!

I am still up and writing on my blog because I am cracked up on coffee- now I am drinking wine to help me wind down for bed.  Sounds a lot like a junkie, huh?

Tomorrow I get to enjoy French Quarter Fest with my friend Christy Bohannon and company.  We are celebrating her upcoming wedding with a bachelorette party.  As much as we say we are not going to go to Cats Meow and doing stuff like that, I am almost positive we will end up there- hand grenade in the left and hurricane in the right.  

Did I tell you that my bachelorette party ended up on Bourbon?  I will leave out the details, but the next day I was missing my camera and my driver's license.  I had no idea where I left either items.  Well, I got a call later that day from "Sex Acts"- (or is it "Love Acts"...I can't remember.)  Yup.  Imagine that phone call.  All I could think was- did I go there last night?  They politely let me know they found my cell phone and license, and I had to go back up there sober to pick them up.  Ha ha ha!!!!  So funny :)

Happy weekend everyone.  I sincerely need this weekend to just chill more than anything.  Life has been very stressful these days, but I do know that my life is good.  

    

A Fast Mouthful

I hate that I am not posting as much lately or getting to read blogs. I didn't really get home tonight until past 9, so there you have it.

I think my mom feels really guilty that she did not get me an Easter basket this year (she read my facebook status). So, I anticipate some candy coming my way :)

I ran 20 minutes today, even though I wasn't supposed to. I have been going insane and am horribly depressed. I don't want to wake up to work out, which is the only time I can go. So, when I did finally get home from work I went for a run. Forget the knee pain, my brain felt better. I was booking it too! I figured, if this is the only time I can run in the month of April, let's make it a run! I saw Brian W. while running, and I think I started to cry in front of him from pain, sadness, and craziness- but I didn't want to scare him off so I think I held it in check okay. I swear he is a great friend and I don't know how he tolerates all of his crazy, hormonal female friends. He signed up for the NYC marathon lottery too- so fingers crossed that we both get in and I am healthy enough for a big marathon push in the fall.

Dave and I then went out for dinner...I sincerely needed to get out of the house. So, dinner + wine= well, crying in the restaurant! I am laughing at it because the waiter brought me free ice cream. Ha ha! You have to laugh at that.

All of this crying is the direct result of PMS. If you have a girlfriend or wife, you know I am not telling a lie.

Seriously, though, everything is okay. I am missing running like crazy- wondering when I will get to train for a race again. I have just 4.3 weeks left of my clinical rotations...and the weeks could not be any longer. So much going on- I am crazily pressed for time.

There is also the bike issue...more on that later, but there may need to be a bike change for me. That will be a whole other adventure, and one I don't have time to sort out now, so I will think on that one next week and give you guys some more details.

Meet with radiologist tomorrow to compare MRIs. I am sending positive vibes to my knee for something other than crappy news.

Ummm...Bek and I are going to dinner for her birthday tomorrow. It will be 13 days overdue- a little unacceptable, but we will make the best of it.

I finished the Kite Runner last week (fantastic must read for all) and now I am reading Dead Until Dark.

Will catch up more later. Thanks to everyone that has written- new and old friends.

Friday Night Theory

It is Friday- a great day. Although I am sure I told Dave I did not have to work today- my 1 day off for the whole clinical rotation, he still made sure to let the dogs in this morning at 7:15am to "wake mommy up." He is such a sour grape- just because I get to sleep in and he doesn't, he has to find some way to sabotage.

That is okay, though, because I spent the a.m. catching up on blogs, scrubbing the bathtub, dropping my bike off at the shop, eating jelly beans, etc. I made my way to lunch time master's swim class, only to find that I was the only person there. Thankfully the coach gave me a workout and left, because I really didn't want a ton of attention and stroke work today. So, 3000 yards later, some more jelly beans (and a banana to make myself feel healthier post jelly beans?), and I was off to ride. It was a crazy, windy day with Laura, Layla, and Ashley, but I really enjoyed myself and have found that sometimes I can embrace the wind and not be in such a battle with it.

What happened next made the wheels turn in my little brain. I got off of the bike and felt medial knee pain immediately in my right knee. I thought of my smart friends, Kerrie and Marit, who have suggested that this may not be running related at all. Marit even suggested I get back on my road bike until I we figure everything out and I can run again. Have I listened to my smart friends? No...... not me. I am still on my cute little new tri-bike that has not been fitted to me with a brand new peddling system. Not anymore! Starting tomorrow I am back on the road bike. I have a standing appointment for a fit on my tri-bike in a few weeks.

Maybe I am grabbing at thin air with the new bike theory, but the more the little detective Columbo in me works, the more I start to think about the common denomator in this whole equation. Damie= healthy in February. Damie=healthy half marathon in February. Damie=riding tri-bike in mid March in aggressive group rides. Damie= an unhealthy half marathon in March and cannot run for 25 days.

What if my lateral knee is just as unhealthy as it has always been, but the new stress that has caused everything to unravel is the bike? I am throwing this into the pot of hypotheses.

It is now Friday night. Everyone else is probably out, but mawmaw Damie is at home playing on the computer and eating tofu, veggies, muffins, and yes...jellybeans. And, even though Alyson avoided and did not respond to about 10 phone calls from me this week, I still persisted in my efforts to make her answer the phone and have been rewarded with a cycling partner for the morning- road bike, of course.

Day 22 Updated Knee

My life is not about training. It is not about my knee, or running, or triathlons, or exercise. My blog tends to be because I originally set this blog up to journal my training for Ironman Florida. But, I think my life gets lost in translation at times with the blog. Yes, I am going to talk about my knee and running...later on. But, I am a person with a real life that has nothing to do with training most of the time.

• I am drinking vodka and orange juice right now. Because I can.
• I read 123 pages of the Kite Runner today sitting in the doctor's office. I love a good book.
• I threw the ball with Rooney today and let the dogs snuggle on the couch with me before Dave the enforcer got home.
• I just bought 2 bags of candy- jelly belly and spice drops. Then the girl at the check-out counter told me she was on a diet. I felt like the biggest fatty, but proceeded to open both of them when I got home anyways.
• I did not exercise today.
• I have talked to my dad, mom, and sister today. I think more than once for each.
  
• I am already out of phone minutes because I gab so much on the phone to friends- and I still have 12 days till the new period rolls over.
• I wrote about Down Syndrome and Cystic Fibrosis today. I also did a 3 month follow up evaluation with premature twins.
• I ate dinner and watched goal recaps of the Championship League games with Dave.
• I am listening to and recommend Carter Burwell.
  

I say this all to let you know that in the span of a day, I do much more than train. I work, love, plot, grow, hurt, think, and wonder. I sometimes feel my personality may hide under the race reports and training days. I don't train because I am addicted or have nothing else in my life. Running, soccer, triathlons, racing, training...I enjoy it. I choose to make it a bigger part of my day than maybe the next person....or smaller, depending on who the next person is. For me, my life is not about work. It is not about school or degrees. It is not about trying to be smart, cute, thin, wealthy, charismatic, or accomplished. It is about having a great day with great people, wherever that may be for me.

So the knee.

Vocabulary words from the radiologist today during our 20 minute phone conversation about my MRI: OCD, bone bruising... bone edema...cartilage injury...fragmented..white on TT imaging ...spurs...osteophytes... Baker's cysts...articular margin...tibial plateau...anterior compartment... lateral compartment...chrondomalacia...divet subchondral...

I am not taking any of this lightly, especially since the radiologist got straight off of the phone with me and called my dad. Everyone is pretty concerned. They cannot find any one thing that is causing me medial pain, but what they can find is a really bad problem with my lateral condyle...the exact same one that I destroyed 4 years ago. (Recap- the injury that put me on crutches non weight bearing for three months with another full year of no running and a complete ruination of my soccer life. that injury). But now there is some more extensive damage in the anterior compartment, tibial plateau, and patella. Throw in a gazillion bone spurs, osteophytes, and multiple Baker's cysts, and... I think the doctor was going to cry when he gave me the report he was so concerned. While any number of these things are benign, OCD lesions with bone bruising, edema, and fragmentation are not.

Did I tell you I did the whole Florida Ironman pain free? Every single bit of training- pain free. (besides the mental anguish of the trainer on the track + 800 intervals). Thank you again, Jen Harrison. :)

Today I got a short-term solution for pain, a cortisone shot. I also had a good handful of listening ears today. I am going to bring in my 3 sets of MRIs from 2005 and we are going to compare them to this new MRI to see if there has been more degeneration and how much concern we need to have.

Long-term, we are going to look at a 10 year, 20 year, 50 year plan for me. The docs are going to consult about the damage and decide what to do next. Because that is really what this is about. I want to be a healthy person for the rest of my life. Never mind the jellybeans and spice drops.

It is humorous, though, to think that they still can't figure out why I am having pain in the medial joint line of my knee. And to be honest, I can't figure it out either. Maybe the cortisone will figure it out, though :)

And, my spirits are up. I am a busy girl with a clinical rotation to finish, a bachelorette party to attend in Nola (whoo hoo Christy!), and some candy to eat. I also plan on beating this injury just like I do every single other one. So everyone HTFU and have a great week. :)

Too Much!

I have way too much to blog about today. That is a good thing- I like my life to be full!

First, I have so many congratulations to offer. Marit had a wonderful comeback race. I am so excited for her to be healthy and happily competing again. Earning a Kona spot first race back is not too shabby either. Next on the excitement list is Maggi!!!! Hello!!!! First overall amateur at NOLA 70.3!!!  If the secret is having three young kids, running around like crazy to get everyone to school and after school activities, getting yourself to work and punching the time clock, and somehow training around that...sign me up for the Maggi plan!  Lesley Brainard- nice comback! A 70.3 success after a year of a torn hip labrum injury...and still is smoking fast and coming out of the water with the pros. Christy B...nice run- another success after a year of injuries including a broken pelvis! Not a bad way to start the wedding festivities to come. :) Heather R...you are accumulating a nice resume of half and full IMs!

First timers!!!!!! Sarah Corrigan- sub 6...I knew you could do it...piece of cake! Cindy, my hero...I am so proud of you...great job all around. Myrna- the bravest kid I know picking a half IM for their very first triathlon ever. You rock!

I wondered if it was weird to follow races online. But, as Dave watched Man U win today on TV, I realized that what we were doing was one and the same. We were both watching a sport that we enjoy and cheering for a favorite players. So, zero weirdness in my mind. Following triathlons online is fun! (FYI, Dave is not a Man U fan...he wanted them to lose for Liverpool's sake. I have to put that in because he would be upset if anyone confused him with a Man U fan.)

On my end, I have spend the weekend drinking margaritas for my sister's birthday, convincing Dave to aqua jog with me (and I am not going to tell you what I had to use as leverage for that one), taking the dogs to the dog park for some water fun, riding 60 miles with Angie because I am a sucker, and getting some Mulligan technique work done on my knee by Casey and Mark because they love me.  I am still sad to say I can't run yet- I continue to be hopeful....but three minutes is about my limit right now.  

Roo, in position for the ball. I am not exaggerating when I say that is all he lives for. He didn't notice any of the other 75 dogs out there today. He wouldn't even take a treat. He just focuses on the ball- always. I really have to get him in some agility competitions.

Cayenne and Rooney at the end of the day. We played so hard!

Rooney leading the way to the ball with Cayenne trying to keep up. There is no way competitive Roo will let Caya get to the ball first, though.