Yes, Lauren

I generally do not identify with Lauren Fleshman.  Sure, we are moms with babies around the same age.  We both like to run.  We both want to be the best we can be at our level.  Beyond that, we are miles apart (pun intended).   She is back to racing at an international level and is an incredible athlete that is already pushing herself.  I am barely back to training at a recreational level and can hardly push Isla in the Bob around the block.  So, I don't read her blog consistently because I generally can't relate. (not to mention that I am just generally envious these days of any mom that seems to be kicking arse). 

But her recent post had me nodding my head YES.  While the post was a race recap, it was also an insight into how it feels in the first, confusing year as a new mom that still wants to be an athlete, and a good one at that.   I am not sure I can paraphrase her and maintain the meaning of her writing, so I am just going to copy and paste her words.  (Hope you don't mind, Lauren :)

"All these thoughts went through my mind during the last lap, and when I crossed the finish line I felt defeated. I was flown in and put up in a hotel like a star athlete, and my performance was mediocre. I looked up in the stands and saw my son and had to hold him, and when I did I was reminded of the purpose of 2014. I put myself in this position intentionally. I’m working hard, but not nearly as hard as one needs to if they want to be truly excellent. And that is on purpose. Doing so will allow me to have the experience I want as a new mom. It will also keep me healthy, and I desperately need a full year of health under my belt to achieve what I want in the future.

Logically, that’s all fine and good. Deep down, it didn’t feel that sweet."

What she was able to write is what I have wanted to write but can't seem to put into intelligent sentences.  I am training, but not like I need to train to be as good as I want to be.   I am busy being a new mom!  I am baking cookies with Isla tonight for Teacher Appreciation Day in lieu of a training session.  Eventually I will be able to be both a good classroom parent AND an excellent triathlete.  I have not given up on being a triathlete.  I still have passion for my sport.  Right now, though, I am still getting in the swing of finding emotional and physical balance. I am taking care of first things first so I can make it happen.

There is no rush.  And it is okay that I am not setting the world on fire in triathlon, yet.  At least I know it is supposed to be okay.  But it still doesn't always feel good.  Of course I feel sad or frustrated sometimes when progress is slow and the fitness is not there.   

 ^^^^ Thank you, Lauren, for putting that into words.  I could not quite figure out how to say that.

And what Lauren has figured out is that it is all part of a plan, and that 2014 is not the planned year to crush dreams athletically.  It is all about putting yourself in the position to do it later with great family love and support.  Even though it might not feel awesome now.  I didn't quite understand what that meant until I read her post, but I now feel like I am ready to design my own road map with goals for this year that set me up for my big future goals.

So 2014, you are about:
loving my baby!
unlocking my inner mother skills
creating the appropriate work balance for me, my employer, and my family
appreciating our awesome dad/husband
taking care of my general health
healing my back and other problems from surgery
regaining strength after a 12 month layoff
setting the ground work to attack my goals

2014 will have training and races.  It will go slower than I anticipated, but it will have purpose.

:) xo