First, Isla went on her first beach trip with the Roberts. She loved being with her family, playing in the sand, and dipping into the ocean. It was quite a wonderful experience to share her with the family.
I tried to put in some training while I was at the beach. In past years, I have ridden 100 mile rides, ran intervals, etc. I didn't want to train like that this year as I wanted to be with Isla and my family. So, I tried to just do a smaller training schedule.
It quickly unraveled, though, when we stopped getting good sleep. We were on vacation, but we were tired. By the end of the trip, a switch had flipped in my head (or maybe my heart?), and I suddenly doubted my desire to continue down my scheduled race path. It just seemed that no matter how hard I tried, something seemed to interfere with my training every time.
people I respect, I dropped IMLOU and AGNats from the schedule. I finally had to admit to myself that not only do I not have some of the most important tools to attack these goals (time, money, sleep and health), I also don't have the desire to battle through sub-par training to have sub-par racing. I remember back in 2008 I ran a marathon "for fun." Truly, I was out of shape, but I decided to just run it to see what it was like to lose the ego and run "just because." What I discovered is that while I am fine doing 5ks and such out of shape, slow, etc.... there was nothing fulfilling about running a marathon out of shape. Nothing at all. I found that I was just pissed that I would do such a taxing race without giving it my best effort. I vowed that never again would I race big when completely unprepared. I was about to break that vow, but I caught myself just in time. If I am not ready to give it to myself on race day, I need to just wait. I love to race- I toe the line to race.
I also had to admit that....I just didn't care enough to "make it happen" to get in superb shape this year. (Hard to admit, and I thought about changing my blog title!). I realized that while it is super cool that moms come back really fast really quickly post baby, I just didn't care. I am not willing to stop breastfeeding right now for the sake of training. I don't want to miss out on every morning with Isla- or miss putting her to bed. I don't want to put her in more daycare so I can train more. My identity is not tied up in triathlon, or the way I look, or how fast I am right now, so I am cool with it taking a little longer to find my racing wings again.
Okay- the year is not over. I am regrouping and finding some races that light my fire. Will keep you posted. :)