Run 1- 2.1x miles: 15:17 (~7:10 pace).
This was a time trial start. I made the mistake (never to be made again) of starting in the back to "pace myself." Next time I will start in the front and "race myself."
I did execute the run as planned. I planned to go out at 7:15 (no garmin) and when everyone else's garmin beeped I looked down, and bam, 7:15. It felt like a tempo run and I thought it was a good way to start. Super controlled. I figured, hey, lose 1 minute to everyone running 6:30-6:45 and just get it back on the bike. Well, everyone 6:00 or faster, so let that be a lesson to me that 7 minute miles aren't cool. :)
Bike- 52 miles: 2:21-2:22 not sure b/c lost chip (~21.8mph)
The course is super flat with only 3? overpasses, but the big wind gave it some challenge and leveled the field a little. It also gave me a ton of confidence for the winds at Texas.
My bike was what I expected. I felt great the whole time and had to hold myself back. I wanted to chase! "No, bad Damie. You will not chase that guy." I remember my final thought before I crashed was this: wow, I rode that ride so perfectly. I feel fresh, nutrition perfect, and my legs are so ready to run!!"
And then I can't tell you what happened. I remember Dave cheering, a lady yelling at people coming around the curve, seeing the dismount line and girl in front of me, and then flipping over my bike as I started to swing over. I have no clue what hit me. I chalk it up to just crappy bike handling, but I have heard that there were more than a handful of bad crashes in the same spot where I crashed near some cracks.
I just remember hurting really badly, and then thinking that being embarrassed hurt more than my body so I got up and everyone tried to stop me. I yelled that I was fine, didn't need help, saw the blood, and ran into transition.
Apparently my chip, garmin, and shoe came off when I crashed, and I didn't know I was missing everything. I was so disoriented I racked my bike on the wrong rack before realizing my running shoes were not there. I had to find my rack with my things and then just tell myself to take a deep breath. A volunteer brought me my chip and all of my belongings and helped me get ready. It was like Ironman! He unhooked everything, put it on me, etc. He was so nice. Dave caught a picture of him helping me get ready.
Run- 13.1 miles: 1:43
Dave catching some pics around mile 6
So I just started running. My hand was bleeding everywhere and I could tell I probably needed stitches. But, what was I going to do? It was just a hand. You don't need your hand to run. I remember my hip and knee hurt when I crashed, but adrenaline had taken over.
And basically this is how my hand stayed the whole race. I would clean it off at aid stations, and then take two sponges which I would use to rinse it off every few minutes in between the stations. And the thing hurt.
Dave was amazing. He was so concerned and kept asking if I needed anything from medical or if he could help me. He was always ready with a good cheer for me.
Somewhere along the course I just sort of gave up. And this is the dark part of the day. At first I thought it was because I was so far behind in my AG? Maybe it was because people were passing and I couldn't respond? Everyone was cheering me on and I felt so grumpy. Normally I am very positive in a race, so this is new to me.
I have a few mental things I do to get through the long races:
1. Prayers of thanks. Thanks that I can complete the distance and work hard.
2. Cheering on others and giving them a little energy in hopes that it will refuel my own energy tank. 3. Prayers for my friends and family. I think about others and dedicate my day, good or bad to them. 4. When I am really struggling, I ask Mac and Chad to help me out a bit.
But on this day, I didn't do any of these things. I was mentally checked out. I just wanted to be done and get to the med tent. I didn't use any of my mental resources.
It was so odd. I know the race is within myself. I never give up when I am way behind. Who cares!!! Give me a PR, then. Or let me hand it to myself and feel good about really pushing it! There are so many good things you can get out of a race even if you are not near the front. But on this run, I wasn't seeing the bright side of anything.
This is the most important picture of the day. This is maybe between mile 11 and 12. I could tell by Dave's cheers that he knew I was really struggling and not having fun. I thought about him so much on the race course- all of our life stressors right now, especially how stressful things are for him right now. I love him so much, and he is a wonderful husband and friend to me. So, when I saw him, I made myself smile and give a little wave. And seeing this picture, it was absolutely the right thing to do no matter how I felt. Wouldn't you want to see your spouse looking like this, rather than looking grumpy and miserable?
And wouldn't you know it I had to sprint finish. A girl I had passed earlier on came back and passed me with half a mile to go. I was running so slow, that it wasn't any effort to keep up with her, so I knew I had to do it.
And that is the thing. I wasn't dying out there. My HR didn't even elevate near what it would normally on this sort of run. I just kind of quit mentally. I mean, I didn't even try to get my pace back to where it was. Once I started to slow a little, I just said, "okay, I am done. Get me to the end."
After the race, I was pretty down on myself. "Everyone is fast, and I suck. I have made no progress. I am not doing IMTX because I don't want to just go muddle through another race. I am weak. I am out of shape. Etc."
Two days later (and after the arrival of my period...um, don't hormones make you feel a little un-like yourself?) I feel very differently about the race. I have eased up on myself. Hell, that was hard to run with my hand like that in that pain! Sure, the adrenaline helped for a while, but then it just sucked. I was PMS, just crashed, bleeding, and tired. While I hate that I gave up out there, I have to cut myself some slack! It was my first race of the year. I wasn't sharp, but I did the best I could.
A few things- I am not out of shape. I am in bike shape. I am in run shape. I have the training to support it. But, I have lost the swim, and in effect, I have lost core and arm strength as well as 4-5 extra hours of training a week. I am weaker. I just am. You can see it in my pictures and I could feel it in my run. I lost 1 whole sport and it had an effect. I am already cycling and running hard- I can't just pile on more. I will have to try to address this some other way.
I also realized that I am just plain depressed. That is what happened on the run. I am injured, and that depresses me. I haven't gotten out of bed to work out in the morning in over 4 weeks. I used to get up at 4:45 daily. That is a sign. Injuries stink, especially when you don't have a clear way to address them.
So, I have 4 weeks to make it happen, work hard, and find a new path to success for IMTX. And while I didn't wake up at 4:45 this morning, I did manage to go for a run before work, so that is a start. :)
9 comments:
Awww! This whole RR makes me just want to give you a big hug. I think it's awesome that you mustered a smile late in the race and that says a lot. Being injured totally blows and was bound to affect your race day somehow and then you throw PMS into the mix (OMG, lately all my races I've started the day after...) - you were fantastic and never gave up when anyone else who'd have crashed like that might have. Chin up and onward to Texas!
So, I would have to disagree on your point of the pictures showing you aren't strong. That's one thing I think I see in your run pictures - you still have great form. Maybe it's not the fast you know you are capable of, but it's still very good strong form. Compare youself to the girl you had to sprint in. You have worked hard for your run strength and it's not gone - I can see it.
I love you and Dave!
P.S. Love the visor! ;)
Sounds like a tough day. Some days we aren't mentally all there. I am a guy, and don't have the PMS thingy, but even still find myself in a crappy mood.
You women have to deal with that other thingy, and that is tough. Cut yourself some slack. You don't always have to smile. Don't be afraid to be how you feel. You know?? We all hate the world sometimes. :)
Chin up, move on, and hoping for positive things for you in the next 4 weeks. :)))
Later, to one of my favorite Gaterzzzz. :)
xo
p.s. glad your husband is there to support you in your tri's. :)
Glad you are okay. I hope you find your mojo again. I have been where you are mentally before (it was when I met you in memphis). For me to get through it required a nice lecture from JH and to not take myself so seriously. By cutting myself some slack everything became fun again, if that makes sense?
You really shouldn't feel too hard on yourself. Your hand was bleeding. Most people would give up. But you didn't, which is incredible.
Oh and did you watch Chelsea beat Barcelona yesterday :))
you are doing just great. Like i said its amazing you even showed up down there. Take it as it comes. Smile often, drink wine, remember you arent a pro :) hugs...
you WILL be good to go come IMTX time. and you look pretty damn hardcore running with that bloody hand-love it!
My husband was behind you when you crashed at the dismount and he was amazed that you were able to run afterwards. Super strong effort and great overall time. You did good!
girl we all have to get these races out of the way to move forward. sometimes an off race is the best way to move towards a breakthrough. the time to reflect on what went wrong is only going to make things better on the next one. I've so been there but you will find your way out of this and I bet before texas too! keep your chin up refocus and be glad you got all the bugs out before the big show in TX!! so good to meet you this weekend and way to tough out a pretty bad crash to finish. that takes a whole lot of guts, you should be proud :)
Post a Comment