Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas Edison
I started this post off with this quote for no other reason than I came across it today and really liked it!
Life has been real lately. Really hard. Really tight. This morning I went from an early morning swim-> straight to a very quick doc appointment (and didn't get to see my family this morning)->straight to work for a very full day->home to pick up Isla and take her to gymnastics->back home to the bike (where I started to melt down with full fatigue...which is why 2 x training just don't happen anymore. It is not realistic.)->to here on couch writing the blog when I should be actually finishing my work charts but I really need some down time. To Dave getting his feelings hurt and being a complete butt because I want to blog, have some me time, and finish work. This is mom life and it is real. Sometimes great, sometimes not so much. Many times I feel like I am chasing the tail of making everyone's day great.
The real struggle comes from so much work. I feel grateful. I am so LUCKY to have enough work. More than I can handle is a blessing. Isla feels the strain of mom working, but I tell her all of the time it is one way I love my family well. I provide for them. I NEED to work. It is a privilege, but it is also a necessity. So I have this huge blessing that is also a source of intense stress and fatigue. Not to mention, it keeps me from my number one job= being a mom.
Today I felt envious of stay-at-home moms. I set a new goal to earn enough that one day I could be home more. That I could cook dinner instead of Dave. That I could be with my family after school and not be so tired. That I could read more with Isla, play soccer with her, teach her more. That I could actually train again, and make it count and do the right amount. You know how some women don't want to be home and want to work? I am not that woman. I would be 100% happy being total mom at home. But then I read stories about some super mom with the hardest job in the world with 10 kids and 20 hour work days that still manages to be world class at some sport, and I feel so lame again. Excuses excuses.
Ah. So, that is that. I am working a ton, but proud of it. And really wish I didn't have to at the same time. That sounds like something an almost 40-year-old should feel.
Training-
I have put in a full 6 weeks of training with swim/bike/run. It is not that I haven't been training the whole time before the past 6 weeks, I just actually started recording it and using a plan which comes to about 10 hours a week. My mileage is really low in the bike and run, about half of what it was even 3 months ago. But, I added in the swim again 3 x a week, so some of the other time has to be taken from somewhere. The hardest thing about all of this is my run continues to go backwards. For 2 years now, my running has been incredibly hard. So hard I can't even describe how hard 12 minute miles feel on some days. One day I started to run and had chest pain which spread to my jaw, even though I was running an 11 minute pace. It scared me enough that I didn't sleep that night. I have a stress test scheduled for Monday, and maybe that will be revealing and maybe not. I had a hormone panel taken today. The swim and bike have just been standard. They are not great. They aren't reflective of where I used to be. But, I can complete them without a ton of strain. They just don't feel as badly as the run. But, I haven't had a run that felt good in what feels like 2 years. I hope to read back on this one day and feel like it was such a small bump in the road.
I want to do the Turkey Day Race here on Thanksgiving, but I also very much don't want to do it. I honestly cannot say I can hold faster than a 10 min per mile pace for 5 miles. It is not an ego vs humility issue, it is just I can't figure out if it is worth it to feel that badly to run. Because if I felt good running 10 min miles I wouldn't care about the pace. But to feel terrible while running so slowly...I just can't see how helpful that is physically or emotionally. But there is a small piece that says getting out there and continuing to try is important, so we will see.
But I do have my eye on the spring. I want to very much race a few triathlons (I mean, I really really want to race again), and if I didn't have to run at all it would be a no brainer. I think I can handle a swim/bike combo. But I am not sure I could handle even a 5k run without walking. So, aquabike?
And this is real life. And other people have real life too, but I just don't read about many swings like this. I literally went from setting PRs on courses and distances to not being able to run an easy run in the blink of an eye. And it has persisted for 2 years. But, my goal is to overcome this and maybe it will help one other person on their journey that also has BIG struggles and oscillations in sport.
Now, please be wowed by my sewing and crafting of this years Halloween costumes. I stitched every piece of these costumes, except the white unicorn part and the red jumpsuit (which I wished I had made myself because it would have fit better than the Chinese POS I bought off of Amazon). This was such a labor of love- many many late nights of sewing and making that mask. I couldn't wait for someone to point to us and say, "Oh my gosh, The Last Unicorn! That is so clever!" Well, that never happened and I am pretty sure I will never spend this much time on a family costume again. But, it was good for my sewing skills.
