This is real talk- much like I used to do on this blog. But, in order to clear my mind and sit down to actually blog, the entire family has to be asleep. That time is now!
I am 40. It is such a meaningless number, unless you are struggling with muscle loss and weight gain like I am, and then it is such an important numbers. I am 40!!!!!!!! AGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night Isla and I were going to a black tie party, and I tried on my 4 favorite dresses while we were getting ready. of You know, the awesome Christian Dior dress that is a little big on me? Oh no...can't even zip it up now. I ripped it trying to figure out what I couldn't get it on me. As a matter of fact, I couldn't zip up a single one of my favorite dresses.
I am just not sure anyone here can relate! Everyone has stayed the course with racing. Everyone looks great, but more than looking great, everyone can move their body in functional ways to enjoy sport. But here I am, on my 3rd year out of racing, and 40 has hit me like ton of bricks. In the stomach and hips. Not only can I not race right now, I can't even fit into my clothes.
So, for this woman. This mother. This struggling athlete who refuses to be a has-been in this sport that is supposed to be life long, I can't fit into my clothes. And after 40 years, I am struggling with my weight. For the first time, I see my running pictures and cringe. I don't want to post them. I am embarrassed!
Whew! That is personal.
Wonder if anyone else can relate.
My solution is more lifting for sure. My solution is working with a coach again, because what I have been doing for 2 years is not working, so I need some objective assistance. My solution is working on my nutrition. (and I will save for another blog post why it is hard for me, coming from a family with a high percentage of eating disorders, to put a lot of focus on nutrition). My solution is to continue to be honest about how difficult it can be to face the changes of an aging body BUT no make excuses. My solution is to be kind to myself as I am to others.
xo
Sunday, September 9, 2018
Saturday, September 8, 2018
A New Start
I am going to re-design this blog. I realized I don't want to stop blogging, it is just that I don't recognize this space anymore. I started this blog in my late 20s. I was blogging about training hard, finding my fastest self in races, and drinking wine with my girlfriends in Memphis.
Now, I am 40 years old and finding health, redefining myself, and hoping to find a place for me in the racing world while giving as much time as I possibly can to my job as a physical therapist and family. I am virtually unrecognizable when placed next to the pictures of the racing girl on this page. My heart is still the same, but my days look very different.
And since life just looks different, so should this blog. Give me a little time and it is done. It is the next step.
I have decided to close out this year with as many positive things as I can. Every month. Every dang month I am going to make something awesome happen.
September 2018:
I am now a certified RRCA coach. I have never felt at home like I did in this course. I already knew the material they presented like the back of my hand...because it is on my bookshelf tattered and underlined through the years and books of reading I have done simply because I love running. It was not that I did not learn anything new. I did! It is just that I was thrilled with how much I already did know. In the coaching course I felt strong. I felt knowledgeable. I felt like a leader. Following your passion is just simply awesome.
For the remainder of September I plan to hike some of the Appalachian Trail to clear my mind and heart. I will then be back home with a clear mind and readiness to move forward to the next place.
Now, I am 40 years old and finding health, redefining myself, and hoping to find a place for me in the racing world while giving as much time as I possibly can to my job as a physical therapist and family. I am virtually unrecognizable when placed next to the pictures of the racing girl on this page. My heart is still the same, but my days look very different.
And since life just looks different, so should this blog. Give me a little time and it is done. It is the next step.
I have decided to close out this year with as many positive things as I can. Every month. Every dang month I am going to make something awesome happen.
September 2018:
I am now a certified RRCA coach. I have never felt at home like I did in this course. I already knew the material they presented like the back of my hand...because it is on my bookshelf tattered and underlined through the years and books of reading I have done simply because I love running. It was not that I did not learn anything new. I did! It is just that I was thrilled with how much I already did know. In the coaching course I felt strong. I felt knowledgeable. I felt like a leader. Following your passion is just simply awesome.
For the remainder of September I plan to hike some of the Appalachian Trail to clear my mind and heart. I will then be back home with a clear mind and readiness to move forward to the next place.
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