Yes, Lauren

I generally do not identify with Lauren Fleshman.  Sure, we are moms with babies around the same age.  We both like to run.  We both want to be the best we can be at our level.  Beyond that, we are miles apart (pun intended).   She is back to racing at an international level and is an incredible athlete that is already pushing herself.  I am barely back to training at a recreational level and can hardly push Isla in the Bob around the block.  So, I don't read her blog consistently because I generally can't relate. (not to mention that I am just generally envious these days of any mom that seems to be kicking arse). 

But her recent post had me nodding my head YES.  While the post was a race recap, it was also an insight into how it feels in the first, confusing year as a new mom that still wants to be an athlete, and a good one at that.   I am not sure I can paraphrase her and maintain the meaning of her writing, so I am just going to copy and paste her words.  (Hope you don't mind, Lauren :)

"All these thoughts went through my mind during the last lap, and when I crossed the finish line I felt defeated. I was flown in and put up in a hotel like a star athlete, and my performance was mediocre. I looked up in the stands and saw my son and had to hold him, and when I did I was reminded of the purpose of 2014. I put myself in this position intentionally. I’m working hard, but not nearly as hard as one needs to if they want to be truly excellent. And that is on purpose. Doing so will allow me to have the experience I want as a new mom. It will also keep me healthy, and I desperately need a full year of health under my belt to achieve what I want in the future.

Logically, that’s all fine and good. Deep down, it didn’t feel that sweet."

What she was able to write is what I have wanted to write but can't seem to put into intelligent sentences.  I am training, but not like I need to train to be as good as I want to be.   I am busy being a new mom!  I am baking cookies with Isla tonight for Teacher Appreciation Day in lieu of a training session.  Eventually I will be able to be both a good classroom parent AND an excellent triathlete.  I have not given up on being a triathlete.  I still have passion for my sport.  Right now, though, I am still getting in the swing of finding emotional and physical balance. I am taking care of first things first so I can make it happen.

There is no rush.  And it is okay that I am not setting the world on fire in triathlon, yet.  At least I know it is supposed to be okay.  But it still doesn't always feel good.  Of course I feel sad or frustrated sometimes when progress is slow and the fitness is not there.   

 ^^^^ Thank you, Lauren, for putting that into words.  I could not quite figure out how to say that.

And what Lauren has figured out is that it is all part of a plan, and that 2014 is not the planned year to crush dreams athletically.  It is all about putting yourself in the position to do it later with great family love and support.  Even though it might not feel awesome now.  I didn't quite understand what that meant until I read her post, but I now feel like I am ready to design my own road map with goals for this year that set me up for my big future goals.

So 2014, you are about:
loving my baby!
unlocking my inner mother skills
creating the appropriate work balance for me, my employer, and my family
appreciating our awesome dad/husband
taking care of my general health
healing my back and other problems from surgery
regaining strength after a 12 month layoff
setting the ground work to attack my goals

2014 will have training and races.  It will go slower than I anticipated, but it will have purpose.

:) xo

Good Life Perspective

Catching up- not sure it is ever going to happen.  The past two weeks have been filled with great things like being a mom, a 9 year wedding anniversary (OMG time flies!), and some solid workouts.

On the other hand, I have had some big crises this week, lots of fear and stress, and some moments where I wondered if things could get worse, but didn't want to test the universe because I was betting it could find something else to throw at me.  It was a very hard week that has not yet found its resolution. 

Now Isla brings me perspective daily.  Is she healthy and happy?  Okay, I have taken care of the most important thing.

But there were two other things I had to say and hear to really keep the stress from boiling over.  

1.   Is my family healthy?  Are the people I love okay?  YES.  Then nothing else is a true crisis.  Once I said this aloud, it gave me permission to be okay with whatever sledge hammers are swinging away at me.  The most important thing in life is the relationship we have with the people we love.  Jobs, money, and everything else are just mere blips.  I think when really hard things come at us in life, we have to take a step back and really take stock in the most important things.  Everything else can be fixed. 

2.  An awesome patient of mine in her 80s told me about losing her husband in a car crash 10 or so years ago.  She loved him so much, and misses him every day.  Out of everything that happened in her life, the loss of her husband and that love really impacted her the most.  She kept telling me about the wonderful and good life they lived together.  She reminded me to love my husband every day.  She was eating breakfast with him one minute, and an hour later he was gone.  This story came at such a great week...my anniversary week!  And I feel the same way about Dave.  It was yet another reminder that if we have love in our lives and our important people with us, we are living a good life. 

The weekend is here!  Amen sista!  I have some good cycling and running on tap, plus some overdue anniversary time with Dave.  My goals for the weekend are:  get some strong miles on the bike, cook a week's worth of healthy food, AND do all of my physical therapy for my pelvis/back.  Yes, even PTs struggle to do their homework. 

And Isla has been terrorizing Roo.  She is fascinated by the animals, has no fear, and chases him everywhere.  Caya loves her, but Roo thinks she is bad news.  This was my solution to protect him for 5 minutes.  :)

Tubes

Isla got her first ear infection in September when she was 2 months old.  Since then, they have been so recurrent that she has lived with one big ear infection for 6 months that would not clear.  After a lot of thought and research, a push from my husband who had major ear problems and tubes as a kid, and some encouragement from smart people like Dr. J, we finally decided to get ear tubes for Isla.

We were really worried about the night before/morning of because Isla was not allowed to eat or drink after a certain point.  For an all-night breastfeeding baby, this had the potential to be a nightmare.  But, with some good teamwork, Dave and I avoided any major meltdowns.  I am sure he appreciates this 4am picture.  Thank goodness he doesn't read my blog. 

We had to be at the surgery center super early.  And thank you, goggles and severe lack of sleep, for destroying the skin around my eyes.  I am pretty sure there is no magic cream to fix those bags/wrinkles. 

Isla was such a trooper in pre-op.  We put on her little gown and she went through all of the exams.  Of course right when they came to take her to surgery, she realized she was hungry and grabbing for my #bewbs.  And man, when they took her away from me, she realized something was happening and boy oh boy was that a sad sight for a mama.  She was so upset.  Not being able to be with your baby during scary times is so unnatural! 

Of course I was a nervous wreck while she was in surgery.  When she came out, she screamed for 20 minutes.  It was awful.  (so mamas, if you do any anesthesia or surgery, just be prepared for the post-op crying.  It is terrible.)

But, we made it home, and Isla was back to playing and being her happy little self.  She is now 8 months, but I haven't made time to take the pictures yet. 

Is it spring yet?  To warmth and health....

Mommy 26.2 Marathon

Yesterday I had the pleasure of participating in my first mommy smashfest.  I say pleasure, because it was one!  Hillary put a trail marathon on my schedule, as in find some trails and run 26.2.  Bring some friends for company.  Have fun.

I knew no one probably wanted to run a spontaneous marathon.  I rounded up 2 kind souls to do some of it with me.  I made them each a medal of appreciation, because when you have a medal waiting for you at the end of the run, that makes it all worth it, right?  :) 

You never know what you are going to get when you come run with me :)

I had an awesome medal waiting for me too at the end of my run.  And 26.2 miles later, I was done and wearing it.  How did it go?  

It was great!  I just kept an easy pace and the miles ticked by.  It was the oddest feeling to know I could just go run a marathon at a moment's notice.  I fondly thought back to my first marathon and the long preparation just to run (jog, really) every single step of that marathon.  It is always fun to look back and appreciate where we started. 

Best medal ever.  Isla helped me make it by eating the paper.  What a helper!

I couldn't have done it without super dad giving me the morning off.  Isla is work- it is not a cakewalk to watch her.  She is a big handful of energy, an you better come with it when you are with her.  "Chill" is not in her vocabulary.  So thank you, Dave, for letting me have a little smashfest time. 

Believe it or not I am totally fine today.  It must be the combination of my easy running and trail surface, but I feel great.  Work and daycare were cancelled with the snow/ice, so Isla and I are at home playing hard.  She can now crawl over the entire house and is pulling to stand, so I have my work cut out for me.  "Safe" and "no" are not in her vocabulary yet (I am not sure they will ever be!).  And just as I am typing this she is just stood up and is pushing the rolling play station around.  Yikes!!!! 

Gotta go!  Have a great week.  Find something fun, whether it be a marathon or just something that makes you feel accomplished and go out and get it done. 

xo