The Long Way, and A Half Marathon

This weekend I ran my second half marathon post-preggo.  I ran my last one at 4 months, and this one at 7 months.  I was not expecting huge results, but I was expecting to be faster.  After all, 3 months have passed, I am about 10 pounds lighter, and I am able to SBR a little more now than I was then.

On the way to the race, I saw something incredible.  For those of you that don't know, I have hawk eyes.  Seriously.  But only when it comes to animals.  I don't notice much visually with people as I move about my day, but for some reason I can spot animals out of the corner of my eye.    

So I am driving to the race and BAM!  A bald eagle!!!! I have never seen one in the wild.  It was amazing!  It had this really noticeable yellow, curved beak and was just looking around as if it was unfazed by everything going on around it.  I pulled over to stare at it.  I couldn't get close enough in my car to get a good pic, so this is the best I could do with zoom on the i-phone.  I hate that I couldn't get a good picture. 

On to the race- I couldn't find the start and showed up with enough time to jog about 2 minutes.  There were only 16 of us "racing."  It was a very recreational race in the forest where you basically ran the same 1 mile 13x, the variety coming in switching directions every mile. 

I finished in 1:49 officially for 13.29 (still can't run a tangent to save my life).  I should have been happy.  I am slightly faster than I was in November.  I finished with the last 2 miles being my fastest.  But, I finished feeling extremely unsatisfied.  I have not ever seen times this slow, even in my first year racing.  It is frustrating.  It scares me. 

I should be grateful, and I am.  Mostly.  Until I compare myself to all of my ah-mazing friends that just popped out babies and 6 minutes miles in perfect unison.  Until I think of my races lined up for the year, and realize that like the year of my knee surgery (2010), I now have the year of a abdominal surgery where I may struggle to actually "race."  And it is not totally about racing others.  I want to race myself and put some real, satisfying effort into my races.  I feel so far from that. 

It is clear that I will take the long way...again.  I will have to be a little turtle, again, just taking one tiny step at a time on the journey.  It is frustrating.  It is hard to see others do it so quickly and for it to not click for me when I work hard too.  This is real, though.  These are real feelings.  We all do this.  We compare ourselves to others, as non-productive as it is.  I think we all have a part of our brain that is quick to whine and cry that things are just not fair.  We have to work to override that part of our athletic make-up. 

And things aren't always "fair."  But they are good.  And I think things do even out over the long term, especially for us turtles.  We have to be patient and find the good in the slow moving of our journeys.  I ran another half marathon faster, I saw a bald eagle, and I met some new people.  It was a good day. 

Turtle on, my friends!