New Mama Runs

After a 5ish month hiatus from running, I hit the roads this morning for the Road Race Series 5k.  I not only ran my first mile in months, I also took one more step in my transformation to mommy athlete.

My morning was a blur.  I had only 2 hours of sleep, which is the average for me the past 3 weeks so I am getting used to it.  Forget the days where I planned my morning nutrition, my morning was all about breastfeeding Isla so that she will have a good start to her day.  I was trying to find time to brush my hair/teeth, wash my face, put on deodorant (which I forgot), but it was a struggle.  I doubled up on my sports bras (I wear a large, now, where I used to wear an xs or s).  As I put on my "running clothes,"  I realized that nothing fit me anymore.  I looked horrible and was slightly very embarrassed.  Dave, super husband that he is, helped me find something to fit me (even offered from his own closet) and gently reminded me that I just had a baby.  As we drove to the race, I realized I had only shaved one leg.  Yes, things are very different with an infant in the house. 

After Dave and Isla dropped me off, I lined up in the very back of the race and fought back tears.  I thought, "maybe I am here too soon.  I just want to be at home with my baby.  Why am I walking a 5k again?  Who am I?"  On top of that, several friends and acquaintances did not recognize me as I made my way to the start- as my post-pregnancy body renders me unrecognizable, I guess.  As I stood in the back, I had to fight the urge to leave the race. 

As the race started, I tightened my core as best as I could and started off in a small jog, with all of the other walk/joggers near me.  I figured I would try to jog a little and then walk a little.  I saw a friend who is also a jogger/walker, and we congratulated ourselves on just being out there and trying to improve.  Another runner overheard us talking, and asked if I was "Damie" (the benefit to having an unusual name), and introduced herself as we had mutual friends.  She was also a brand new mom.  The "race" was starting to get a little better.

(I am the one in the men's shirt and red visor...trying to hide from the camera by running to the outside of it.  And yes, I did see the camera and tried to hide :)

Before I knew it, I had just run my first mile, not only 3.5 weeks post c-section, but also my only mile in the past 5 months.  I hadn't planned on jogging a whole mile, but I wasn't hurting and didn't want to stop once I started.  My first mile was in 10:41.  I was still okay, so I kept plodding along.  The next mile came in 10:22, and the final mile in 10:30 for an overall time of 32:58.  Since I had not planned on running even 1 mile, being able to finish 3 was an accomplishment.  It also felt much harder than any ironman I have ever done.

I finished my first 5k as a new mom.  Many, many moms have gone before me in this journey, and I honored that as I jogged beside so many women this morning.  There may be some women that are fast even after delivery, but as I ran this morning, I realized there are many, many more women like me.  I also realized that my body is pretty awesome.  It can nurture a baby.  It can run even when it hasn't run in many months.  It can recover quickly from surgery.  It is amazing.  

After the "race" I chatted with several friends (again, some of whom did not recognize me) as I waited for Dave and Isla.  It was wonderful to be reunited with my family when Dave picked me up, and as I sit here and listen to Isla make little noises as she sleeps, I think that there is no place that I would rather be.   

It is challenging to be a new mama runner.  It is not just the pure logistical challenges of leaving a breastfeeding baby when you only have 1 hour of free time before it is time to feed again, it is also the identity challenges that come with a changed body and heart.  I realize that I love running and I love my family.  It is okay that no one recognizes me, because I don't recognize myself.  I am now a mama runner, and I am different.  And it is awesome.