Getting Pro-Active

I keep writing, re-writing, and trashing posts.  I have so much in my head right now, it is hard to get it all down on paper.

Let me just say, it is time for me to get pro-active.   I finally decided to throw more energy into getting back to the sport I love.  I took a good step towards recovery today.  I woke up, put on all of my training gear, including my IMTX visor, as if I were going for a run.  I then went walking (with the dogs) as if it were scheduled as training.  (I am only allowed to dog-walk right now.)

I think this was a great way to stay positive and motivated.  When I can't train, everything falls apart.  My routine is destroyed, and work, home, sleep, and body suffer.  For a couple of months now, I have not had any scheduled training.  For the past month, I have not been able to do any training.  So, I decided I needed to continue to let my mind be in training by scheduling the things I could do.  I am even going to start logging my dog walks in training peaks.

I am not going to lie, I do not feel like I am gaining anything from walking.  In fact, I have lost a ton of muscle and gained a lot of fat.  I am not "power-walking" or hiking for long periods of time.  I am just social walking.  But, I keep telling myself it is exercise for my brain.  A walk is better than sitting on the couch. 

Another thing I need to address is the PTS (Parsonage Turner Syndrome) in my shoulder.  I got PTS in March, and it is now September.  I have absolutely NO suprspinatus, infraspinatus or deltoid.  I will have to post a picture at some point to show you, but I have a cave in my shoulder where muscle should be.  It has atrophied and gone away.  If you were to see me in person, you would see that part of my shoulder seems to be missing. 

I did finally get the doctor to give me an MRI and EMG.  He did not want to do so, and wanted me to take his word that I had PTS.  But, I wanted some objective data, and I got it.  I have PTS- resultant nerve damage and shut down of muscular function.  When I say I can move my shoulder, it is really because I can't physically move my shoulder. 

Here is a good little article written by a professional golfer on his fight with PTS.  You can ask Michelle- I literally woke up in the middle of the night screaming from the pain and had to crawl to her room, crying and begging for help. 

But here is the kicker.  What did the docs do after they diagnosed me?  Nothing.  They told me to come back in a year and let's see if anything has come back.  What kind of health care is that?  Who tells a patient, especially an athlete that swims, they have nerve and muscle damage, and sends them home with a good luck and no referral for help?

I accepted this for many months.  NO LONGER.  Today on my walk I compiled a list of physical therapists that I know and trust that I want to help me with my shoulder.   Again, it is time for me to be pro-active.  Even if we cannot facilitate muscle return to that area, perhaps we can strengthen around it. 

So, this week it is all about doing what I can do.  It is not much.  I can walk the dogs.  I could do some light strengthening to my shoulder.  I could go to PT and get evaluated for treatment for the PTS.  I can stretch.

I can do something.  It might not be what I want to do, but I can be creative.  It felt good to take some initiative today.  It is not like me to sit around helpless, but that is exactly what I have been doing lately.  More updates to come!