After 6ish soccer games in 2 years, Dave signed me up for the fall co-ed season so we could spend more time together and spend our remaining soccer years together. Okay, so I could have said "yes" or "no", but instead I waffled and waivered....thus forcing him to make the decision. How convenient for me as I can now blame him if it doesn't work out. I am starting to understand how my own little brain works.
So far I dread going to the games and I am playing horribly. I know that playing poorly is a product of 1. lack of confidence, 2. no practice whatsoever 3. no lateral or cutting strength, and 4. swim/bike/run/work/stress/no sleep/let's try to fit in a soccer game at 10pm.
Do any of us expect to show up to a triathlon after 2.5 years of no swimming, biking or running and do well just because we did it for years? I mean, our bodies know what to do, but do it well? yet I expect that in soccer?
So then I stay up till midnight thinking about how poorly I played and feeling bad about myself, and say mean things about myself, and treat myself poorly. I decide that soccer is bad for my self-esteem. (instead of deciding to just practice a little bit).
And I am usually pretty cool to myself.
So, I have to wonder why my self-esteem is so easily influenced by soccer anyways? I think many athletes could probably identify with this. Why do I choose to like myself less or think less of myself as a person because at age 32, post 2 x injury and life changes, I don't play as well as I did at age 25?
And Dave reminds me that we are out there to spend time together. And I have such great responses such as "but I suck so it isn't fun and more verbal garbage...." And me, me, me, ego, ego ego. Boy I am such a gem of a wife sometimes.
Do you guys have a sport that makes you an emotional athlete?
I don't carry this much emotional baggage around with triathlon. (thank goodness- let's keep it that way).
The funniest part about it is- for the past 2 games, I have fallen asleep at midnight and had to jump out of bed the next morning at 5am for the speed work sessions with "Team Cowden". I have been so mad at the soccer games and at myself, that I have run my best 4 x 1 mile repeats and 6 x 800 repeats in 2 years. All on pure frustration. I never knew that pissing myself off could translate into athletic gains.
So to make up for being such an egotistical jerk of a soccer playing wife, I made dinner tonight and I am going to show up to the next game ready to rock or suck- but not be a downer.
4 comments:
I think any sport that you once were really good at, and did for a good portion of your LIFE can bring out these feelings. Um, tennis. I know i know i know, that i havent played and i still want to play like i did. So that is ego but you know that you also have mm memory so having not played in awhile or practiced your mm memory and your head are not in sync. I wont go on and on about motor patterns, you know that:)
I just try to enjoy it, laugh, know that you COULD be better if you CARED as much as you once did about soccer and also remember that just bc you are not as good now, that doesnt take ANYTHING away from what you once were ( and could be again!)
BLAHBLABLBAHBLAHBALB obviously I have had this talk with myself a few 1000 times:)
It took me a while to not be so hard on myself with soccer, but after being injured and not able to do anything for so long helped me calm down. And I absolutely stink at soccer not - I still have some technical ability, but when I jump in at practice sometime it's not pretty!!
Glad you are getting to play!
absolutely. it's rowing for me. just can't seem to let it go completely, but know that it is not a great place for me. It turns me incredibly emotional.... and, i agree with gobiggreen, that any sport that once you were really good at will put you in that state.
and, that is probably the reason why i don't even tempt myself with getting in a "competitive" boat. those who don't do the sport... well, i guess they go back and coach.
Awwwww, Damie! I totally understand. With the insanity of this year I can't tell you how many times I've had to remind myself (or be reminded by others) that my self-worth is not directly connected to how many workouts I make or miss or how well I do at a race. I do all this for FUN and to be healthy.
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