Frustrated!#@$!

Overall life is really good and things are going great. But when it comes to the knee, I feel frustrated and mad.

I have talked to an ortho doc and a sports med doc. I have x-rays and and MRI. I have had a cortisone shot to the medial side. I received one crappy knee brace. I didn't run for 60 days. I spent the next 15 or so trying things out to see if I could return to running.

The options that were given to me were
1. as usual, stop running, as in forever
2. Synvisc for temporary relief, and I am not looking for temporary relief
3. Surgery for a microfracture to basically traumatize my bone by poking more holes in it and hoping hyaline cartilage will replace some of the articular cartilage that has fractured off

So, I went to see a PT that is a great runner and a respected professional. We worked out a strengthening plan for me to give myself a chance to beat this thing with no surgery. We decided that running 2 times a week for no more than around 2 miles would be okay for the next 2 months to check on progress - stop with pain. We talked about returning to wearing inserts- but have not done that yet (I am not a huge fan of corrective orthotics- just my opinion but there is research on this topic too- so I will use it as a last resort.) We thought up one more brace to try just to see if it could alleviate some symptoms while I am getting over this.

So, I am being a good girl. I am not running any more than I should. I am doing all of the strengthening- including keeping track of it to be honest. When my knee feels horrible- I don't run. I stay on soft surfaces, good shoes, yada yada- we all know the drill.

Today just felt so frustrating. The knee brace helps with some symptoms on my right/bad knee, but wouldn't you know that today my left knee was bothering me as well. So I was taking the brace on and off, trying to get in 2 miles and just felt horrible the whole time. I kept stopping, walking, changing, stretching, etc... Seriously? Now my left knee has to act up? Am I now compensating so much that I am just injuring the other side?

It doesn't seem to matter how much time I take off or how easy I go, my knee just will not heal. My whole body seems to be fighting me. When will that day come where I can really run again? What do I need to do to get over this? Will I ever have a healthy knee again?

Why do my knees hate me? What am I doing wrong? I am putting baby miles on them, at most. I quit soccer- the number one sport of my life. I am working on getting a new bike and different pedals if they would just cut me a little slack.

Sigh...

I am taking my knees to Florida next week. They better come back happy and relaxed after a vacation.