Luke: A Birth Story Part 2

(Seriously Luke is 7 months now, but I am determined to get most of this story down!)

My doula finally located a wheelchair for me and they quickly got me into a room.  I am checked and the nurse says I am at 8cm/90% effaced. It is not as far along as I want to be, but transition is here and that is good.  At this point I cannot lie down the back pain is exquisite.  I just knew Luke was sunny side up and I was having back labor.

Here is where I think hospitals tend to start to let women down.  It is clear the baby is not in a great position and I am in incredible pain.  Because I was a VBAC, they "have" to put monitors on me.  More specifically, they do not have the technology available to do this in a comfortable way for the mom.  One nurse in particular, who has been there all day and is getting ready to leave her shift, is really rough and gruff with me.  I tell her I cannot lie down, and she insists that she can only get the monitor on me if I lie down.  This is not true, but it may be true for her.  She can't seem to figure it out and forces me to lie down even though I beg and beg her to put it on me sitting up.  (It is literally just a strap that goes across my stomach- think HR strap).

She is almost yelling at me with complete impatience and forces me down on my back.  I proceed to throw up everywhere.  Ha!  Told you I couldn't lie down, damn it! At this time, the doc walks in.

He is not nearly as VBAC friendly as he was in the 9 months prior.  He is intolerant of my crying and pain, much like the nurses.  He instantly starts talking second c-section.  He checks me and reports I am at 6cm with zero progress from that morning office visit.  He says he isn't happy.

There is just no way that is possible.  No way.  It is incredibly obvious something is different from the morning office visit till now.  Plus I just measured at 8cm an hour ago!  Is this what Ina May Gaskin is talking about where environment can stall labor?  I was just yelled at a ton, I already hate this place, and now they say I am not progressing anymore and have regressed?

But mostly, how is this my fault and why do I deserve a c-section out of it?  NO WAY I think.

And here comes the bargaining.

The doctor isn't about to let me cry, moan, and scream all day long in the hospital.  I can't stop doing all three.  I also cannot lie down, which is making them all mad.  I am in so much pain but I see very clearly as well how all of this- the environment, the people, the attitudes-  is contributing to poor outcomes for the birth.

So, I agree to the epidural if he agrees to give me a significant amount of time- the full time I am supposed to get entering the hospital.

The epidural actually works.  I can lie down.  It is not that I don't feel anything.  I feel every contraction every 3 minutes.  It is just that I don't need to throw up every time now.  PLUS, all of the nurses finally leave me alone.

This is clearly after the epidural.   

I feel like I have completely made a bargain with the devil and I am going to lose.  Here I am, agreeing to the epidural.  Next it will be the pitocin.  And on and on.  But what were my choices really?  In those moments I couldn't be sure.  But unlike my experience having my first kid, I am now a 41-year-old mom and I know how to stand up for myself a bit better.

My doula had told me earlier in the week that if I wanted to deliver this baby vaginally, I alone would  have to make it happen.  She presented it in a way that I had never heard before.  No one wanted the vaginal delivery like I did, and no one was going to help me the way I thought they were.  She told me I literally had to make it happen.  I had to push the baby out.

Seems like I should know that, but let me tell you it felt different this time with the way she presented it to me.  I finally understood that when no one would help me I truly had to help myself.  It was incredibly powerful.

 Ya'll, I hadn't slept in 4 days.  4!!!!!  And my husband just nods right off while I am laboring.   If I needed a sip of water I swear he wouldn't get it for me because he was snoring.  Lol!

So, I labor through the night.  Nothing really changes.  1 min contractions 3 minutes apart without pitocin.  When they add the pitocin it stays the same, so they take me off of it.  I am flat on my back just praying that something will make my water break.  I am supposedly stuck at 8 cm.

I have new nurses now, and they are great.  However, they tell me the doctor will give me a c-section if I don't start making some progress, and they are pretty concerned.  I look them straight in the eye and I tell them that they HAVE TO HELP ME HAVE THIS BABY.  I want them to use every trick in the book, every bit of training they have every received.  I don't need someone to read my BP cuff.  I need someone to position me and coach me.  And next.....

Luke: A Birth Story: Part 1

Luke is the piece to our family puzzle we were missing, and  we are so happy he is here.  We tried for almost 3.5 years to get pregnant, so having him here is such a blessing.

Yet here I am, 6 months later, and I haven't even put his birth story down on paper.  I seriously don't know where to start, so I am just going to start with labor.

Isla was an unplanned C -section after my "failed" home birth.  Home birth was not an option to me in Louisiana as a VBAC, so I had to make hospital plans.  I can't tell you how much I dislike a lot of hospital practices as it pertains to labor and birth.  Maybe I can.  I really, really dislike it.  Pretty much everything I have read that is research based on birth is not honored at hospitals.  Anyhoooo, I didn't have a choice so I made the best of it.

1.  I got a doula, again.  And this was a very expensive investment but worth every penny to me.

2.  I got a VBAC friendly doctor.  Well, he was VBAC friendly until he wasn't, but that is another post.

So, let me let this post be about labor, which lasted 5 days for me.  That is not a typo.

I was past due date and knew my baby was coming soon.  I was still trying to do things to stay active like coach soccer and walk  waddle daily.  I really struggled in the summer heat of New Orleans, and by the last week I could hardly walk the 4 blocks to pick up Isla from school.

The Thursday before I had Luke, I took Isla to ballet and planned to do my walk while she was in class.  From there, I would take her to soccer practice and coach.  I started to have contractions that were worth timing, and they were about 5 minutes apart.  I called Dave for some help, sent him and Isla to soccer, and went home to labor.  I was pretty darn sure I would have a baby in my arms at least by morning.

That night, labor got really intense.  I was up all night with painful contractions every 5 minutes, but they never got closer together.  I was worried I wouldn't know when to go to the hospital, and for a VBAC, I knew I needed to wait as long as I could.  I could feel things shifting and dilating, and labor was intense.

But then it stopped.  Around 2 or 3 am, contractions backed off to 20 minutes apart.

Without describing every single day, let me just say this pattern occurred Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  From the late afternoon to early morning, I would have contractions that lasted a minute and were 5 minutes apart.  They would get stronger and stronger to the point they were unbearable and my doula would help me labor, but they never got to that magic 3 minute apart number.  During the day, they would be present but not progressive.  I pretty much got zero sleep for 5 days and cried a lot.  I could not have gotten through this time without my doula Gina, who would stay up with me and help me labor.  I am telling you, best money spent- if you are thinking about getting one, do it.

Isla helped me labor, the sweet girl.  Watching me labor all of those days was really hard on her.  She still talks about how upset it makes her to see me cry.  

Prodromal labor?

Like my doula said- something was happening.  Whatever the label is, my body was working hard.  If you have this, I got ya girl.  It is terrible.  It is the labor that never ends.  We knew something was happening, but we also knew something was stopping it as well.   It was like he was trying to descend and then would stop after hours of trying.  I started to worry he was in the wrong position.  (he was)

When Monday came, I went in to the doctor.  I was having contractions all day long by this point and could barely walk.  When he checked, I was 6cm and 80% effaced.  We decided I should go walk more (as if I could) and then check into the hospital.

This is Dave and I trying to walk the baby out of me.  I said, "hey!  Let's take a picture of the two of us because this may be the last time we are alone for a long time.  Lol!"  TRUTH! 

We walked around the neighborhoods by the hospital until I was just in too much pain.  But I still didn't feel the contractions had progressed to that magical 2-3 minute in between mark, so I had Dave take me home so I could call our doula and get everything ready.  Gina came over to help me, and the contractions stopped for 20 minutes.  I was so over this.  I was exhausted and frustrated.  And I was in so much pain people.  So much pain.  For days.  

And then, all of a sudden, I was yelling for everyone to get me to the hospital.  It was time.  I couldn't bear the pain and something had changed.  We made some tactical errors, like trying to get me to the hospital in 5pm rush hour traffic.  We also had Isla with us.  What I thought would be a fun family experience was a mistake for sure.  

I was in the backseat with Isla, puking on the way to the hospital and bawling my eyes out.  Basically I was moaning, screaming, and puking.  What an experience for her.  

And then I had to walk to the second floor of the hospital down these long halls.  No one brought me a wheelchair.  I could barely stand.  I could only walk a few feet before a contraction would hit.  I was crying and crying.  That walk was a terrible experience.  Employees of the hospital just kept walking by me.  My doula was trying to find a wheelchair.  No one would help.  OMG!!!!!  

But anyways, once there, the story just gets more intense, worse, and better.  It was everything.   

A Very Tardy and Incomplete Preggo Journal #2

I can't believe I haven't posted while pregnant. I am going to have no pictures, and when my memory fades I won't be able to recall a dang thing!  Baby boy due in approx 7 weeks.  I hardly have any good pictures and didn't write anything down, so here is what I could find at 3am when I can't sleep due to pregnancy peeing, heartburn, and carpal tunnel syndrome.

9 weeks: I remember just feeling the normal first trimester awfulness.  I was counting every day and week getting out of the first trimester to lower my risk of another miscarriage.  My training load went way down, although I can't remember how much of it was conscious or just because I felt sick.  We were definitely excited to be pregnant again, and by 12 weeks we knew it would be a little boy.

14 weeks:  I don't have many pictures during this time, but here is one of me and Isla running.  So, I guess I was still trying to run!  Although I remember it was very hot and I had a feeling if Isla came with me we would not be running for too long.   Sure enough probably a quarter mile later we were picking flowers and walking when Isla decided it was too hot and she was too tired.  I was probably only jogging up to 2-3 miles at this time, and probably with plenty of walk breaks.

22 weeks:  I hated every minute of wearing a bathing suit on the beach.  I had to force myself to do it, and not be that self-conscious person.  But I struggled.  And I hate to admit this, but this is the best picture I could find.  Sorry I did that!  Trying to keep it real, but I didn't want to post everything hanging out.  I was not a cute looking pregnant woman on the beach. 22 weeks this time around is about my 34 week equivalent with my first pregnancy.  At 22 weeks I was just starting to stop all jogging due to the extra weight and discomfort, plus the constant 100+degree heat indexes.

But I did do daily crossfit with Dave at the beach, which is our yearly routine.  I am not a crossfit person, but on vacation I go with Dave so we can spend time together.  I actually worked hard in there, and I truly believe that having peers around you in your training can help.  Now if I could just actually find those peers here in Nola going forward...  

The elusive beach family picture- Isla is always too wiped out to really participate.

25 weeks:  This was my one of my only and last outdoor ride of 2019 so far!   The heat index was well over 100+ this day, even in the am, so I remember being so slow!  (but kind of happy to be on my bike, too :)

27 weeks:  I don't remember much about this time, except I have zero pictures and this one seems at such a weird angle.  I remember not being able to find anything to wear that fit me.

But, here is a pregnancy hack that works for me:  swimming helps me with the swelling quite a bit.  The day of the swim photo below, also 27 weeks, I could not put on my shorts or see a single bone in my foot/ankle joint.  After 30 minutes of swimming (term "swimming" used loosely but I am just trying to move), I was able to fully see my ankles and pull my shorts up.  The swelling has been real this time around!  Perhaps because I swam a ton when I was pregnant with Isla I did not have such a problem with swelling?  This time around I can count on two hands my swimming, mostly due to logistics of my work and the pool, but I am trying to make a more conscious effort to get in there 1-2 times a week going forward to help with everything.  

28 weeks:  Most of my exercise, if I am able to do any, has to happen after 7pm.  I usually get home from work anywhere around 5:30-6:00, and after being on my feet all day at the hospital, I am usually so swollen I just sit down and elevate them.  I try to stay motivated to get out and walk in the evening anywhere from 45-60 minutes, but I am definitely not making it happen as much.  Early pregnancy I was at about a 14-15 min/mile clip.  By 28 weeks more like a 17 min/mile clip.  Every now and then I think to jog a little bit during my walks, but then I remember it doesn't feel good and I can just run post baby and enjoy it.  

29 weeks:  Made it to Memphis for a class reunion with my PT friends.  I was also sick with a respiratory infection I just could not kick, and that has probably been the worst part of pregnancy.   

Also- 29 weeks:  This is a FAKE NEWS picture.  I took this and thought, well, now I know why everyone looks so amazing on instagram.  I look "smaller" at 29 weeks than I did at 22 at this angle.  I have developed some better guard rails over the years for my social media intake, which has helped during this pregnancy.  I still have the urge to compare myself to the gals that run marathons throughout pregnancy or maintain their athletic figure with a tiny baby bump, but I work hard to manage it and continue to be grateful for everything I have, which doesn't necessarily have a lot to do with athletics right now. 

31 weeks:  Heading out the door for a PT meeting.  I regretted those shoes 30 minutes later.  

32 weeks:  Can't really see anything due to the darkness of this picture, but I still try to have a tiny social life.  I was able to hang for about 4 hours at the #PussyFooters Pub Prance before taking my swollen cankles home.  

I will try to take some more pictures in these last final weeks.  This pregnancy has been very different from my first pregnancy, but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I already have responsibilities as a mother, and my work load has significantly increased.  I have had more fatigue and swelling and not once did I go to prenatal yoga this time around, where as last time I went several times a week.  Life is just different.

Mostly I am looking forward to running and cycling again!  This is the most significant and true amount of time I have taken off, and I think the challenge for me to return to sport will be very hard indeed.  I am going to have a lot of weight to lose, muscle to gain, and skeletal integrity to make happen.  It will be a good challenge :)

And I will finish up with my favorite picture thus far with pregnancy- Isla and Sullivan hugging baby boy :)  This picture makes me so happy!!!!