Resource Base

Hola!

So, we are in the middle of September and nearing the end of the racing year.  I never got off of the ground this year, for multiple reasons including a big move to Nola, a stolen bike, and loss of health.  It certainly has not been for lack of loving triathlon, running, or racing.  I am just dying to be out there.

The ITU Long Distance World Championships are coming up soon, and they are in Oklahoma this year, which is great for us Americans.  The great news is I qualified.  But, I never registered because I thought I would be pregnant and didn't want to lose out on a bunch of registration money.  But the race is here, and I am neither pregnant or racing.  It is a bit sad, but mostly it just gives me reasons to contemplate and move forward.

So, where am I.

Yesterday I met with a WONDERFUL physician in New Orleans, Dr. Rousseau.  She was a kind and patient listener, as was her med student.  I was in there for a long time as we sorted through my history since 2012.  (Prior to 2012, I had no real issues short of a R knee surgery that just took rehab).  2012 was a great year that was following by a lot of sickness that we concluded was Epstein Barr Virus, hormone issues, and an injection of walking pneumonia.  I didn't really end up pursuing much treatment for it because I became pregnant and ended up just resting for 9 months :)

2013-2015 was quite a year for me physically.  I was recovering from a c-section and my first lumbar spine injury that may have been initiated from prolonged back labor.  Isla wasn't sleeping at all, so neither was I for 2 years.  Dave was in the most stressful place he has ever been in with his job, and he was suffering too.  Because our household was in shambles, Dave and I barely cooked and I was often starving.  I also breastfed for 2 years.  This was just a perfect stress storm.

I also dropped a ton of weight, and it was very unintentional.  It was mostly muscle, and I withered away to nothing at one point.  It wasn't because I wanted to lose baby weight, it was truly because I wasn't having time to fix myself food, was working out of my car and not getting meals, and breastfeeding my kid.  My body took care of Isla, and to do that, it took from me.  Totally worth it.  But, next time I will have a better understanding of how much more I need to eat.

I had some okay racing in 2015.  I was an All American Triathlete and qualified for Boston.  But, I never felt good or normal doing it.  It was really not a satisfying year.  Of course when I read aloud the paragraphs above, it makes sense.  And then, in September of 2015, I stopped breastfeeding.  2 months later I was really on this rapid decline physically.

So, all of this was at the forefront of my mind as we discussed November 2015- till now.  I went from being able to play, to being sidelined indefinitely.  Runs were massively slower with no warning.  I stopped being able to keep up on the bike, even at the slowest paces.  I was making progress in the swim, and then I couldn't keep up on even on the slow intervals.  And I have been at this place for months with no real solution.  

For the past 6 months, I have really tried to figure it out.  Is it hormonal?  Am I deficient in something that is nutritionally achieved?  Is it a flare up of my Epstein Barr Virus (and why hasn't rest helped it?) and, I really started to wonder if it is my heart.  I just can't explain to you all how hard it has been to run 1-2 miles, even at a 12 minute pace.  I will sometimes just feel so sick and have to walk back to my car.  No matter how easy and slow I go, it just sucks.  Of course I was then was able to run that trail race (At a 12 min mile pace) and it gave me hope that maybe it was just a matter of time.  But then I look at the big picture, and it has been a large and steady decline for 10 months now with a 1% success rate and 99% downward trend.

Back to the doctor, who again was great.  We are definitely testing EBV (which a lot of doctors won't test, but she is curious).  She is also testing the things like anemia/B-12 issues, which have been something I have struggled with in the past.  I did not test low in these areas in January, but perhaps I have gone backwards a bit.  We are testing thyroid, although I am doubtful it is that.  We are not testing hormones, as she would not treat them anyways.  So, if we rule out other things, then I will go to OBGYN to discuss those concerns.

And the interesting thing is she is going to test my heart.  She does hear a heart murmur, which in itself is not a big issue.  I was told I had one years ago in college, but NO practitioner has ever mentioned it since or heard it.  But, this doctor did and so did her colleague.  It could be something as simple as an increase in the murmur because I am anemic, which is something I can easily address.   So, I could be feeling some increased stress if there is something going on there.

So, with some contemplation, this has just been 4 years of my body being off and probably robbed a bit on the nutritional side, even though I have really tried to put a lot of healthy things in my body.  I think when you are in a deficit for a while, it is hard to climb out unless you are really intentional, and intentional for a long time.  And if there are hormone issues, I can hopefully dig myself out of the hole by addressing other things.

So, I am eager to move forward on this and do whatever it is I need to do to get this body at its optimal functioning state.

And one thing that really sticks out to me is Dr. Jeff Spencer's idea that you cannot reach optimal performance without first building your resource base.

"Step number four is the base. This is where you build your resource capacity and your material resources that you’re going to need to safely and effectively get to the top, then on to master, then to become your champion."


So for me, this resource base is

1.  Job/Income: which I am progressing towards having enough work and income, but I am not there yet.  I still have some resource building to do in this area as we have moved cities.  Without this, trying to participate in triathlon is futile as I cannot afford things like a new bike.  Plus, when I am working very consistently with good income, I feel much less guilt about training.

2.  Health:  an increase in this area would mean more capacity to train, which would bring results, which would bring more motivation, and on and on.  3 years of training at so-so health is not satisfying, I can assure you.

3.  Equipment:  bike.  bike fit.  coach.  functional equipment.  etc.

4.  Organization at home:  when my family is running well, I train well.  This has to be a part of my resource base, because I draw from the energy in my family.

5.  Training Groups:  I don't have these yet, but on some level will be important in the future.

Right now I am on 1 and 2.  Then I will worry about a bike.  Etc.  Etc.

I am eager to get some results and continue to move in the right direction.  I feel super hopeful and extremely glad I found a physician that gets it and does not think what is going on for me is normal or just "overtraining."

I am getting my act together :)

Other than training/racing:

Other than training/racing:

-  Just went to my first bookclub in my new neighborhood.  My first thought is that Dave and I really picked an amazing neighborhood to live.  There is so much life here.

-The book we read was Boys In The Boat, and I highly, highly recommend it.  What did I get out of it?  Funny, but it wasn't the training, psychology of an Olympian, or athletic inspiration.  It was actually reading about how poor people were in the depression and how HARD they worked with every minute of their day available.  I suddenly felt incredibly lazy.  Well, after reading this book, I decided to take on extra work babysitting when Isla is out of school and I have to stay home with her.  If I can't earn money that day being a PT, I can earn it doing other things.  They book really pushed me to think outside the box with my time as it applies to earning a living.  So, here I am today...BABYSITTING another kid while I have Isla, and I feel great about it!

- I started a women's running group in my neighborhood way earlier than anyone should get up.  And the group is FAITHFUL.  We have all different levels, and it is just fantastic.  I am pumped I put myself out there to get something going as a new resident here.  Really, I love it here.  And, I love my new friends.

- Some great podcasts:  Bobbi Gibb interview and Neal Barnard, MD.  Check them out!

- Speaking of which

Sigh

And how do I even start on this.  I just can't take anymore damn bacon, meat, and dairy pushing.  Do I unfriend people?  Stop following them?  I only hate to do that because I want to be friends with everyone.  Then I wonder, do I?  Do I want to be friends with someone that promotes these industries...in the face of INSANE cruelty?  Do you really think that cow on your cookbook is snuggling with that little girl?  EVER?  That they have ever had a kind human touch?  What propaganda!  And Americans buy it!  Can you be a really great and kind person without striving to be kinder to ALL creatures?  It is really hard on my soul to read things on social media.  I also even got a message from a friend yesterday chastising me for not eating meat.  I started down this path when I was 14!!!!!! LOL on the funny message on how I will find food to eat without meat.

So I wrestle with this.  And believe me, it is hard.   Because I am certainly NOT PERFECT. I am striving, but not there.  I am trying to be better, failing a ton, but marching on.  My husband eats meat, but I know that after almost 20 years together it hurts him more, maybe just the tiniest bit, to do it.  Other people close to me blatantly brag and throw in my face their meat consumption.  Can you really be an educated person if you refuse to look at what factory farming does to animals?  If you turn a blind eye... I mean, really...isn't it just as bad as what happened with slavery...or with the Jewish in Germany?   but those are PEOPLE, Damie.  Hm.  Well, I dare you to listen to any sound bite of an animal tortured in factory farming and tell me if you don't hear a soul in their cries.

But besides that.  Don't argue with me on the "virtues" of meat as food.  Read the research.  And not what crossfit tells you.  Please, people.  Seriously?  But you know, tweet all you want about bacon and your steak for dinner.  But the minute someone that does not eat meat says a word about vegetarianism or veganism, everyone gets put out.  It is definitely not an open, honest, and loving playing field.  And believe me, I know that if anyone was reading this post anyway, I lost 90% of readers when I started talking about this.  That is the way it is.  But it doesn't have to be.  In the face of being educated our whole lives from teachers to commercials with how to eat animals, I can see why people just don't want to look at something in a different way.  Our culture has forced us into carnism like it is a religion.

So, I never want to push plant based eating on anyone.  We obviously have choices, and everyone has to make their own.  No one needs a preacher.  But, I am tired of being in a place where I am just forced to surrender to everyone pushing meat.  How do I separate myself from this and invite more positivity into my life on this front?

-  So then, I come to this place.  What to do with social media and such for the future.  What does it hold for me?  I think a lesser place in my life.  An advantage of it is keeping up with far away friends.  But I think there is more hidden stress in social media than I really even know.  (Of course there is tons of stress that is also in your face).

- This weekend...Def Leppard/REO Speedwagon/Tesla.  I am SO excited  I have listened to the album, Hysteria, more times than I can count.  I still play it when I run.

-Our house has not sold, and that stinks.  I asked my mom to bury a St. Joseph in the yard for me to help it sell.  Every bit helps!

- Isla has not been sick in months,  even with going to multiple daycares, and this is a huge deal.  We have been on antibiotics practically every couple of months for the first couple of years of her life.  This is the longest stretch she has had without sickness, and it has just been awesome.  She will even have a snotty nose and clear it a few days later without getting an ear or sinus infection.  So awesome!  Of course she stopped eating 2 days ago and has been crying non-stop for 48 hours, so my luck may have just run out.  But still, something about the move to New Orleans has really helped her.  Maybe less allergies?


Ah.  that is all.  It is a nice mouthful.  Too bad I am not training, as the posts are shorter and sweeter :)