My doula finally located a wheelchair for me and they quickly got me into a room. I am checked and the nurse says I am at 8cm/90% effaced. It is not as far along as I want to be, but transition is here and that is good. At this point I cannot lie down the back pain is exquisite. I just knew Luke was sunny side up and I was having back labor.
Here is where I think hospitals tend to start to let women down. It is clear the baby is not in a great position and I am in incredible pain. Because I was a VBAC, they "have" to put monitors on me. More specifically, they do not have the technology available to do this in a comfortable way for the mom. One nurse in particular, who has been there all day and is getting ready to leave her shift, is really rough and gruff with me. I tell her I cannot lie down, and she insists that she can only get the monitor on me if I lie down. This is not true, but it may be true for her. She can't seem to figure it out and forces me to lie down even though I beg and beg her to put it on me sitting up. (It is literally just a strap that goes across my stomach- think HR strap).
She is almost yelling at me with complete impatience and forces me down on my back. I proceed to throw up everywhere. Ha! Told you I couldn't lie down, damn it! At this time, the doc walks in.
He is not nearly as VBAC friendly as he was in the 9 months prior. He is intolerant of my crying and pain, much like the nurses. He instantly starts talking second c-section. He checks me and reports I am at 6cm with zero progress from that morning office visit. He says he isn't happy.
There is just no way that is possible. No way. It is incredibly obvious something is different from the morning office visit till now. Plus I just measured at 8cm an hour ago! Is this what Ina May Gaskin is talking about where environment can stall labor? I was just yelled at a ton, I already hate this place, and now they say I am not progressing anymore and have regressed?
But mostly, how is this my fault and why do I deserve a c-section out of it? NO WAY I think.
And here comes the bargaining.
The doctor isn't about to let me cry, moan, and scream all day long in the hospital. I can't stop doing all three. I also cannot lie down, which is making them all mad. I am in so much pain but I see very clearly as well how all of this- the environment, the people, the attitudes- is contributing to poor outcomes for the birth.
So, I agree to the epidural if he agrees to give me a significant amount of time- the full time I am supposed to get entering the hospital.
The epidural actually works. I can lie down. It is not that I don't feel anything. I feel every contraction every 3 minutes. It is just that I don't need to throw up every time now. PLUS, all of the nurses finally leave me alone.
This is clearly after the epidural.
My doula had told me earlier in the week that if I wanted to deliver this baby vaginally, I alone would have to make it happen. She presented it in a way that I had never heard before. No one wanted the vaginal delivery like I did, and no one was going to help me the way I thought they were. She told me I literally had to make it happen. I had to push the baby out.
Seems like I should know that, but let me tell you it felt different this time with the way she presented it to me. I finally understood that when no one would help me I truly had to help myself. It was incredibly powerful.
Ya'll, I hadn't slept in 4 days. 4!!!!! And my husband just nods right off while I am laboring. If I needed a sip of water I swear he wouldn't get it for me because he was snoring. Lol!
I have new nurses now, and they are great. However, they tell me the doctor will give me a c-section if I don't start making some progress, and they are pretty concerned. I look them straight in the eye and I tell them that they HAVE TO HELP ME HAVE THIS BABY. I want them to use every trick in the book, every bit of training they have every received. I don't need someone to read my BP cuff. I need someone to position me and coach me. And next.....
